Last week, my husband got mugged within 50 feet of our building. It was about 6:20 pm, still light out, and while we do live in Chicago, we live in a typical "safe" neighborhood. He was walking home from one of his part-time jobs and checking emails on his iPhone. He had a secure grip on the phone, and had no idea what happened when a stranger grabbed the phone from his hands. My husband was at first confused, was this someone he knew trying to grab his attention? As soon as he realized what was happening, he firmly told his mugger to give the phone back. The mugger gestured to his waist, as if he had a gun, and my husband yelled "Fire! Police!" Unfortunately, no one was around to help. I was home, but since the AC was on, I didn't have the windows open - so I had no idea what had happened.
Luckily, my husband was not hurt in any physical way - as there have been some brutal attacks in Chicago this year. The police arrived within minutes of his call, and we have a great detective assigned to the case. I have also learned that smart phone muggings are happening in broad daylight, on Michigan Ave (ever hear of the Magnificient Mile) - this is a crowded area, many people around, walking, shopping, waiting at the bus stop, and muggers are just swiping phones out of people's hands.
We've implemented a few key takeaways from his experience:
1. Be aware of your surroundings. No matter how safe you may feel, we do live in a city. There are many people struggling to make ends meet - and some of those people have no problem breaking the law to help them improve their financial situation.
2. Keep your public use of your smart phone limited. Treat it as jewelry - you don't want to flash it around.
3. Be sure to use a lock code on your phone. I was concerned the theif would have access to his information, but the police told us most likely, they just want the phone and the SIM card will be thrown out.
4. As soon as your phone is stolen, call the police, your cell phone provider (shut off service), the phone manufacturer (to report the serial number as stolen), and change any account passwords that were accessed on your phone (email). Also call your insurance to see if your deductible is met.
So it was a busy week for us trying to get past the anger and fear stages - and I will admit, when my husband has to work odd hours, I am more nervous than I used to be. I continue to count my blessings that the phone is the only thing he took - possessions can be replaced, a life cannot.
Now, I have to share my extreme dissatisfaction with AT&T, our cell phone provider. After my husband called the police, I called AT&T - all within 10 minutes of the mugging. They informed me they could shut off the service (phone calls and data) or we could keep it on and see if the mugger made any calls. We opted to shut off the service. The customer representative informed me that we would still be charged for the service, even though she was shutting it off. I knew that I didn't have the time to fight that statement right then, so I agreed. That was July 29.
Our 2-year contract happen to expire on July 31, which was Saturday. The following Monday, I started shopping around for phone plans. I talked to a woman at Costco about Verizon, and discussed options with my husband that night.
Tuesday, I was on the phone with AT&T for 1.5 hours discussing cancellation of his line, and why they are charging us for service we are not receiving. The cancellation representative made some interesting offers, $100 discount on new phones (but not applicable to iPhone), no charge on his line during the no service time, free relocation numbers (we still have Miami area codes), and a few other things. My husband looked into some of the phones and chose one that he thought would work.
Wednesday, I researched the phone choices and decided that these phones would not be a good match for him. Many reviews were saying it's hard to get used to, but once you get how the phone works, it's great! We decide I will tell AT&T no way, we want the $100 discount applied to our bill, we'll get him the iPhone 4, and then we'll both stay with AT&T.
Thursday, I call AT&T explain our decision, and the cancellation rep says that she can't give us $100 discount on our bill, but she can provide $20 credit to cover part of the month of service for his line ($39.99). At this point, I use a simple metaphor. It's like going to a restaurant, asking me to pay for a hamburger, taking my money, but not giving me the hamburger. Is it me, or is it illegal to charge me for service that I'm not receiving?! A supervisor is supposed to call me back. I spoke with them at 8:45 this morning, and still have not received a call back as of 2:30 pm.
My father had a great suggestion - since we pay for the bill with our credit card, we will dispute part of the charges and that will be the end of it. As soon as the rumor of Verizon carrying the iPhone is true - I'll be joining my husband there.
Are you frustrated with your cell phone provider or smart phones?
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Summer Daze
When I was a senior in high school, my friends made up a shirt that we wore with pride "Senior Slump: No Brains On Board" and it was true. As soon as I received my early acceptance into college, I was pretty checked out. Of course I didn't let my grades slip horribly, but I didn't sign up for my last semester of French (after 5.5 years) because the idea of taking a 3-hr AP test in a foreign language just did not sound like a lot of fun.
So here I am some not quite 20 years later, and I just had a summer slump for the past month. If you read my blog you know that I set up some lofty goals - all well intended of course! My thought process is, if I put pen to paper and share it with you, that will ensure the commitment. Ha! Let's see how well I'm doing:
Exercise - I've made excuses, either too hot/humid, or it's raining, or I'm too tired - well, the facts are in, and I've gained weight - so it's time for me to hold myself accountable and get to the gym on the days where the weather isn't perfect. My husband and I are also considering workouts seen on infomercials, such as P90X or Insanity workout by Beachbody. Have you had any success with any of these programs? It's all about working out in a way that surprises your muscles, using your body as the weight. It's not a gimmic - it would be hard work - and my favorite part of the infomercial that makes me laugh is a pool of sweat on the floor from doing the Insanity workout.
Reading - I did finish the book, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen and I am becoming more conscious of my complaints, and trying to get through the 21 consecutive days. It is one of the toughest things I've attempted - and I know it will be life changing. I'll let you know when I'm there. Apparently, it takes most people 6-8 months to achieve that goal. Want to join with me?
New recipes - after finishing my recipe book (several inches thick), I have tried several new recipes - and most of them have been outstanding. I am looking forward to menu planning and incorporating new recipes each week - it's helps to spice things up (pun intended)!
5 things I'm grateful for - I seem to only do this when I'm writing the blog - so either I need to start blogging daily, or incorporate this into dinner conversation. This does go nicely with the complaint-free challenge.
Job search - I am looking for full-time work, and shifting gears away from the agency world. This last month has been great in terms of finding opportunities that really interest me. The interviews have started, and we'll see what pans out over the next month or two. Whatever happens, I feel good about my actions and that's what is most important.
Clutter - my husband and I are making progress. We have been going through our closets and some of our to dos - and we both feel good when we finish a project. Next Monday, we are cleaning our office all day - and getting organized so that we can have some good ch'i (energy in terms of Feng Shui) and be open and ready for many good things to come our way. I am very excited and look forward to a clean, organized space where we will be more efficient.
Blogging - of course, how could I not talk about this? I think it's funny my last entry was about taking a break, and then I didn't post for a month! Maybe I needed a bigger break that I realized. What I do know is this summer has provided me the opportunity to take things easy, work on some personal things, enjoy time with my family, spend time with family and friends who are visiting, and I've had time to think. It's not easy being a working mom, and it's not easy being a mom who's looking for work - and for me, it's because personal time is one of the most precious luxuries. I think many people (not just moms) will find personal time is limited - and if you don't have personal time, how do you have time to think about things? I would say the best thing about this summer has been the flexibility of my time, and the fact that I don't feel I have to fill every hour of every day with some type of activity.
So I leave you with another hodgepodge of thoughts about life - dazed and okay with it.
Daily Gratitudes:
1. Finishing a book - and a book that I wanted to read on my own selection. I think the last time I read a book on my own accord was during my pregnancy (so about 3 years ago).
2. Watching family with little C - my husband's brother is in town and it was a lot of fun to watch him win over little C with a hand puppet (a rabbit that can pop out of a hat).
3. Little C sleeping in until 8:05 am today (he's normally up around 6:30 am). For anyone with kids, you understand.
4. Leftovers - the flavors meld and intensify, and all you have to do is reheat.
5. Discover Card bonus rewards - I've had my Discover card since I was in college - and I love that I can get gift cards with my cash back bonus, without paying an annual fee. My favorites seem to be: Spafinder, DSW shoes, and Gap. most of the time I'll get a giftcard for $50, for only $40 of my rewards - 20% bonus, on top of something already free! Love it!
What are your summer days like? What is your favorite activity you've made time for? How are your resolutions going? I want to hear from you!
So here I am some not quite 20 years later, and I just had a summer slump for the past month. If you read my blog you know that I set up some lofty goals - all well intended of course! My thought process is, if I put pen to paper and share it with you, that will ensure the commitment. Ha! Let's see how well I'm doing:
Exercise - I've made excuses, either too hot/humid, or it's raining, or I'm too tired - well, the facts are in, and I've gained weight - so it's time for me to hold myself accountable and get to the gym on the days where the weather isn't perfect. My husband and I are also considering workouts seen on infomercials, such as P90X or Insanity workout by Beachbody. Have you had any success with any of these programs? It's all about working out in a way that surprises your muscles, using your body as the weight. It's not a gimmic - it would be hard work - and my favorite part of the infomercial that makes me laugh is a pool of sweat on the floor from doing the Insanity workout.
Reading - I did finish the book, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen and I am becoming more conscious of my complaints, and trying to get through the 21 consecutive days. It is one of the toughest things I've attempted - and I know it will be life changing. I'll let you know when I'm there. Apparently, it takes most people 6-8 months to achieve that goal. Want to join with me?
New recipes - after finishing my recipe book (several inches thick), I have tried several new recipes - and most of them have been outstanding. I am looking forward to menu planning and incorporating new recipes each week - it's helps to spice things up (pun intended)!
5 things I'm grateful for - I seem to only do this when I'm writing the blog - so either I need to start blogging daily, or incorporate this into dinner conversation. This does go nicely with the complaint-free challenge.
Job search - I am looking for full-time work, and shifting gears away from the agency world. This last month has been great in terms of finding opportunities that really interest me. The interviews have started, and we'll see what pans out over the next month or two. Whatever happens, I feel good about my actions and that's what is most important.
Clutter - my husband and I are making progress. We have been going through our closets and some of our to dos - and we both feel good when we finish a project. Next Monday, we are cleaning our office all day - and getting organized so that we can have some good ch'i (energy in terms of Feng Shui) and be open and ready for many good things to come our way. I am very excited and look forward to a clean, organized space where we will be more efficient.
Blogging - of course, how could I not talk about this? I think it's funny my last entry was about taking a break, and then I didn't post for a month! Maybe I needed a bigger break that I realized. What I do know is this summer has provided me the opportunity to take things easy, work on some personal things, enjoy time with my family, spend time with family and friends who are visiting, and I've had time to think. It's not easy being a working mom, and it's not easy being a mom who's looking for work - and for me, it's because personal time is one of the most precious luxuries. I think many people (not just moms) will find personal time is limited - and if you don't have personal time, how do you have time to think about things? I would say the best thing about this summer has been the flexibility of my time, and the fact that I don't feel I have to fill every hour of every day with some type of activity.
So I leave you with another hodgepodge of thoughts about life - dazed and okay with it.
Daily Gratitudes:
1. Finishing a book - and a book that I wanted to read on my own selection. I think the last time I read a book on my own accord was during my pregnancy (so about 3 years ago).
2. Watching family with little C - my husband's brother is in town and it was a lot of fun to watch him win over little C with a hand puppet (a rabbit that can pop out of a hat).
3. Little C sleeping in until 8:05 am today (he's normally up around 6:30 am). For anyone with kids, you understand.
4. Leftovers - the flavors meld and intensify, and all you have to do is reheat.
5. Discover Card bonus rewards - I've had my Discover card since I was in college - and I love that I can get gift cards with my cash back bonus, without paying an annual fee. My favorites seem to be: Spafinder, DSW shoes, and Gap. most of the time I'll get a giftcard for $50, for only $40 of my rewards - 20% bonus, on top of something already free! Love it!
What are your summer days like? What is your favorite activity you've made time for? How are your resolutions going? I want to hear from you!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
You Deserve a Break Today
Remember the old McDonald’s jingle from the ‘70s and ‘80s: You deserve a break today at McDonald’s.
Sometimes I have to remind myself about the main point of this blog, and it’s that I recognize that I am a mom who can’t get it all done – but hopefully, I can enjoy what I do, when I’m doing it. Yesterday was one of those overcast/partly rainy days that was a tad on the humid side – nothing horrible, but enough that if I had run, I would have been covered in sweat from head to toe very quickly. I decided that I would take the day off and give myself a well deserved break when I woke up at 10 am. My son was with my parents, and my husband let me sleep in. I can’t remember the last time I slept in that long – it was glorious!
So my husband and I decided to watch Parenthood (a tv show that is fabulous), and by the end of the night, we had seen 5 full episodes (about 45 minutes without commercials). Not productive, but very enjoyable – and neither of us have just completely wasted a day away in a long time. I will admit that my husband did do some early morning work for a few hours, and I did some laundry, but nowhere near the level of efficiency of some of my other recent days that are jammed with to dos.
As you may have noticed, I took a break from blogging for a few days. I always have something to write about, it’s just a matter of dedicating time to sit in front of the computer, uninterrupted. Even this morning, after dropping little C off at daycare, I met a girlfriend for a run/walk along the lake. It is gorgeous outside – and if you can swing it – go outside, take a 15 minute or 30 minute break. Walk around, enjoy the sunshine, the blue skies, the nice breeze. Whatever you do, allow yourself this short break to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy the beauty of the world.
I think I have mentioned before that I’m reading a book about becoming complaint-free, and recently I’ve noticed that I’m really hard on myself. I’ve always known that I am my toughest critic, but now I am really trying to release that control, and cease the self-criticism, and enjoy the moment. When people compliment me, including my husband, I have to take a moment, remind myself that it’s okay to hear and accept nice things about myself, and then respond with a “thank you” instead of just shrugging it off, denying it, making a joke, etc. You might think my upbringing was less than standard, but in fact, it’s just the opposite, I have loving, caring, open, and supportive parents. Yes, they pushed me to do my best, but they always loved to celebrate success and even good tries with me.
As you know, I’m a work in progress – it’s not easy, but I know the end result, or even the journey will help me enjoy life to its fullest. I’d like to share a cute story about my son with you – yesterday afternoon, my husband and I were at home with our son. He is infatuated with transportation, and particularly enjoys busses and trains. He was pretending to wait at the bus stop, and we were lined up next to him. All of a sudden, he leans forward, looks to the left, and exclaims, “The bus is coming!” It was so adorable, and in that moment, I was thankful that my husband and I have the time to play with our son, watch his imagination at work, and witness cute moments like that. I know that at some point, we will both be working and not be able to enjoy special family time on any given afternoon. I am lucky.
Which leads me to my five daily gratitudes:
1. Exercising on the lake front – especially on a beautiful day like today, it’s so nice to have a path where I don’t have to inhale auto fumes, and I can walk, run, rollerblade, or bike down with a friend.
2. Beautiful days – in fact, today is so beautiful, I think I’ll walk to the library and pick up my book for my business women’s book club meeting at the end of this month. It’s about 2 miles roundtrip, and a wonderful reason to get more exercise in today.
3. A child’s laugh – as I was hanging out with my friend today, there was a nanny and a little boy about 2 yrs old, and she was tickling his belly and he had that great laugh that little kids have – a part giggle, part hysterics type laugh that is contagious!
4. Watching parents interact with their kids and having fun – as I was waiting for my friend this morning, a soccer organization called Lil’ Kickers was having their classes out on the lawn at the park. It was adorable to watch 18 month olds and 2-3 year olds play games, do some drills (and I use that term loosely) and just have a blast doing it together.
5. My mom – I have a saying that she inspired: You can’t spell smother without mother. Just the past few days, she’s been very sweet and loving, or schoompie as we refer to it (thanks to Seinfeld), and I’m glad that I have parents who are so open about their feelings, and loving and supportive. I know that I’m lucky to have my parents in town – and for little C to be so close to them, and for us to have free babysitters anytime. I am glad that I was able to help my mom with my Dad’s birthday party on Monday – especially because I missed his party last year due to work, and vowed that work would never come before special family events again. This year we had a blast, enjoyed good food and wine, and had a hard time refusing leftovers (I’m talking delicious chocolate cake) due to calorie concerns – but I did it. I’m just glad we were all together.
I hope you enjoyed my stories, and that you share some of your well-deserved taking a break stories with your friends (and here!). One of my favorite movies from the ‘80s is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; and Ferris sums it up nicely when he said, “Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” So take a break, go out there, enjoy this beautiful day, and enjoy some time to yourself or with some friends/family. Let me know how it goes.
Sometimes I have to remind myself about the main point of this blog, and it’s that I recognize that I am a mom who can’t get it all done – but hopefully, I can enjoy what I do, when I’m doing it. Yesterday was one of those overcast/partly rainy days that was a tad on the humid side – nothing horrible, but enough that if I had run, I would have been covered in sweat from head to toe very quickly. I decided that I would take the day off and give myself a well deserved break when I woke up at 10 am. My son was with my parents, and my husband let me sleep in. I can’t remember the last time I slept in that long – it was glorious!
So my husband and I decided to watch Parenthood (a tv show that is fabulous), and by the end of the night, we had seen 5 full episodes (about 45 minutes without commercials). Not productive, but very enjoyable – and neither of us have just completely wasted a day away in a long time. I will admit that my husband did do some early morning work for a few hours, and I did some laundry, but nowhere near the level of efficiency of some of my other recent days that are jammed with to dos.
As you may have noticed, I took a break from blogging for a few days. I always have something to write about, it’s just a matter of dedicating time to sit in front of the computer, uninterrupted. Even this morning, after dropping little C off at daycare, I met a girlfriend for a run/walk along the lake. It is gorgeous outside – and if you can swing it – go outside, take a 15 minute or 30 minute break. Walk around, enjoy the sunshine, the blue skies, the nice breeze. Whatever you do, allow yourself this short break to relax, rejuvenate, and enjoy the beauty of the world.
I think I have mentioned before that I’m reading a book about becoming complaint-free, and recently I’ve noticed that I’m really hard on myself. I’ve always known that I am my toughest critic, but now I am really trying to release that control, and cease the self-criticism, and enjoy the moment. When people compliment me, including my husband, I have to take a moment, remind myself that it’s okay to hear and accept nice things about myself, and then respond with a “thank you” instead of just shrugging it off, denying it, making a joke, etc. You might think my upbringing was less than standard, but in fact, it’s just the opposite, I have loving, caring, open, and supportive parents. Yes, they pushed me to do my best, but they always loved to celebrate success and even good tries with me.
As you know, I’m a work in progress – it’s not easy, but I know the end result, or even the journey will help me enjoy life to its fullest. I’d like to share a cute story about my son with you – yesterday afternoon, my husband and I were at home with our son. He is infatuated with transportation, and particularly enjoys busses and trains. He was pretending to wait at the bus stop, and we were lined up next to him. All of a sudden, he leans forward, looks to the left, and exclaims, “The bus is coming!” It was so adorable, and in that moment, I was thankful that my husband and I have the time to play with our son, watch his imagination at work, and witness cute moments like that. I know that at some point, we will both be working and not be able to enjoy special family time on any given afternoon. I am lucky.
Which leads me to my five daily gratitudes:
1. Exercising on the lake front – especially on a beautiful day like today, it’s so nice to have a path where I don’t have to inhale auto fumes, and I can walk, run, rollerblade, or bike down with a friend.
2. Beautiful days – in fact, today is so beautiful, I think I’ll walk to the library and pick up my book for my business women’s book club meeting at the end of this month. It’s about 2 miles roundtrip, and a wonderful reason to get more exercise in today.
3. A child’s laugh – as I was hanging out with my friend today, there was a nanny and a little boy about 2 yrs old, and she was tickling his belly and he had that great laugh that little kids have – a part giggle, part hysterics type laugh that is contagious!
4. Watching parents interact with their kids and having fun – as I was waiting for my friend this morning, a soccer organization called Lil’ Kickers was having their classes out on the lawn at the park. It was adorable to watch 18 month olds and 2-3 year olds play games, do some drills (and I use that term loosely) and just have a blast doing it together.
5. My mom – I have a saying that she inspired: You can’t spell smother without mother. Just the past few days, she’s been very sweet and loving, or schoompie as we refer to it (thanks to Seinfeld), and I’m glad that I have parents who are so open about their feelings, and loving and supportive. I know that I’m lucky to have my parents in town – and for little C to be so close to them, and for us to have free babysitters anytime. I am glad that I was able to help my mom with my Dad’s birthday party on Monday – especially because I missed his party last year due to work, and vowed that work would never come before special family events again. This year we had a blast, enjoyed good food and wine, and had a hard time refusing leftovers (I’m talking delicious chocolate cake) due to calorie concerns – but I did it. I’m just glad we were all together.
I hope you enjoyed my stories, and that you share some of your well-deserved taking a break stories with your friends (and here!). One of my favorite movies from the ‘80s is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off; and Ferris sums it up nicely when he said, “Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” So take a break, go out there, enjoy this beautiful day, and enjoy some time to yourself or with some friends/family. Let me know how it goes.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Dreaded Muffin Top
Remember the Seinfeld episode about muffin tops that Elaine loved from the bakery? I wish that was the muffin top I was referring to today. I’ll admit, I’m hard on myself – really hard. Today is no different, I am outing myself to the world and letting you all know that I have a muffin top.
I first learned about muffin tops when I moved to Chicago about 7 years ago. I saw many women here with flabby midsections and thin legs. I couldn’t understand it – and then I explained it after I saw how much beer women drink here. I have never been a big fan of beer, so I thought I was safe. Well, the past year my muffin top has slipped over the waistline of my pants.
Sure, I can give you excuses like, I have had a c-section, or I’m getting older and my body is changing, both true and probably contributing to my muffin top; but the real reason is I have not been exercising. Sure, I’ll go for a 9 mile rollerblade, or even a long walk (6 miles), but I’m not doing those cardio activities consistently, and my strength is way down from the days I lugged my little monster everywhere or drove my non-power steering Saturn (especially when I parallel parked in a tight spot – it really worked out my triceps!).
I know this because my husband and I worked-out yesterday, the ABS Diet Workout DVD. We selected the Total Body Workout – beginner level. The first exercise we did was lunges – and let me tell you, the very first one hurt, as did all the others! While I did do all the exercises, and used 28 oz jars of peanut butter (all natural not the Crisco loaded version anymore) as my weights, I felt every lunge, squat, row, and press there was. Here’s the pitiful fact, it was only about 10 minutes long. So my husband and I decided to do the abs workout, again, beginner level. Well, we worked our obliques, lower abs, upper abs, and maybe something else – I don’t even know – I was in so much pain – and today, I felt a dull pain in my lower abs for about half the day. Again, the abs workout was only about 10 minutes in length.
I wondered why I was so sore after 20 minutes, when I can go for hours walking or rollerblading. I realized my muscles have no strength, and that if my 20-something self, or even 30 year old self, saw me now – well, I’d be ashamed of myself.
So I’m committing to myself, and to you, and to my family, that enough is enough – I’m going to regain my strength and stamina (I’ve run a full marathon and a few half marathons), and get into incredible shape once and for all. The body needs to be toned, say goodbye to the muffin top, and hello to buns of steel again! The thighs, calves and arms will be solid, defined once more. The line down the middle of the tummy will appear, and maybe I’ll see a brick or two (never have before). I’m excited, I’m pumped – and I’m willing to work hard to get the results I want. In the end, we all know the benefits of healthy, strong muscles: better sleep, faster metabolism, more energy, a toned body is super sexy, and I’m sure there are other reasons – but those are enough for me.
Of course with hard work, you need to set rewards – so I will treat myself to a much needed new bikini if I keep up a consistent workout routine for the next 6 weeks. I should see results in 6 weeks – probably won’t reach my goal, but I will definitely see progress. I’m defining consistency as strength training 3 times a week and cardio 3 times a week. Big goals, but really, it’s 30 min a day, with a day off. That’s achievable.
Anyone else ready to get healthy and toned? What’s worked for you in the past? Are you hard on yourself? How do you celebrate your successes?
Five things I am thankful for:
1. Trying new recipes - last night and tonight I made new recipes (from my recipe book that I finally put together last month) - and they were delicious!
2. Finding great job postings - after coming to the realization that agency life is just not the right fit for me, it's nice to see job postings that sound interesting, challenging, and exciting. It's really great to submit my application for consideration and know that I am proud of my accomplishments.
3. Friends who help me in my job search - there are so many of my friends that keep their eyes open, provide suggestions, and pass along my resume, make an introduction, or help me in other ways. Thank you! I am a big believer in karma, and am happy to give back directly or indirectly to you all for your kindness.
4. Another closet decluttered - we had 6 extra pillows - and a lot of dust bunnies. Only 30 minutes of shared cleaning time with the hubby and we have now conquered 3 closets, only 5 more to go (and all our rooms!). Definite progress!
5. My husband for working so many odd jobs, strange hours, interesting uniforms, and always smiling, rain or shine (literally). I don't have the patience for random, small jobs where I feel underpaid. It's been a rocky road for us since we moved in together, but we are managing to get through. I know good things will come our way, and one day, we won't have to worry as much.
I first learned about muffin tops when I moved to Chicago about 7 years ago. I saw many women here with flabby midsections and thin legs. I couldn’t understand it – and then I explained it after I saw how much beer women drink here. I have never been a big fan of beer, so I thought I was safe. Well, the past year my muffin top has slipped over the waistline of my pants.
Sure, I can give you excuses like, I have had a c-section, or I’m getting older and my body is changing, both true and probably contributing to my muffin top; but the real reason is I have not been exercising. Sure, I’ll go for a 9 mile rollerblade, or even a long walk (6 miles), but I’m not doing those cardio activities consistently, and my strength is way down from the days I lugged my little monster everywhere or drove my non-power steering Saturn (especially when I parallel parked in a tight spot – it really worked out my triceps!).
I know this because my husband and I worked-out yesterday, the ABS Diet Workout DVD. We selected the Total Body Workout – beginner level. The first exercise we did was lunges – and let me tell you, the very first one hurt, as did all the others! While I did do all the exercises, and used 28 oz jars of peanut butter (all natural not the Crisco loaded version anymore) as my weights, I felt every lunge, squat, row, and press there was. Here’s the pitiful fact, it was only about 10 minutes long. So my husband and I decided to do the abs workout, again, beginner level. Well, we worked our obliques, lower abs, upper abs, and maybe something else – I don’t even know – I was in so much pain – and today, I felt a dull pain in my lower abs for about half the day. Again, the abs workout was only about 10 minutes in length.
I wondered why I was so sore after 20 minutes, when I can go for hours walking or rollerblading. I realized my muscles have no strength, and that if my 20-something self, or even 30 year old self, saw me now – well, I’d be ashamed of myself.
So I’m committing to myself, and to you, and to my family, that enough is enough – I’m going to regain my strength and stamina (I’ve run a full marathon and a few half marathons), and get into incredible shape once and for all. The body needs to be toned, say goodbye to the muffin top, and hello to buns of steel again! The thighs, calves and arms will be solid, defined once more. The line down the middle of the tummy will appear, and maybe I’ll see a brick or two (never have before). I’m excited, I’m pumped – and I’m willing to work hard to get the results I want. In the end, we all know the benefits of healthy, strong muscles: better sleep, faster metabolism, more energy, a toned body is super sexy, and I’m sure there are other reasons – but those are enough for me.
Of course with hard work, you need to set rewards – so I will treat myself to a much needed new bikini if I keep up a consistent workout routine for the next 6 weeks. I should see results in 6 weeks – probably won’t reach my goal, but I will definitely see progress. I’m defining consistency as strength training 3 times a week and cardio 3 times a week. Big goals, but really, it’s 30 min a day, with a day off. That’s achievable.
Anyone else ready to get healthy and toned? What’s worked for you in the past? Are you hard on yourself? How do you celebrate your successes?
Five things I am thankful for:
1. Trying new recipes - last night and tonight I made new recipes (from my recipe book that I finally put together last month) - and they were delicious!
2. Finding great job postings - after coming to the realization that agency life is just not the right fit for me, it's nice to see job postings that sound interesting, challenging, and exciting. It's really great to submit my application for consideration and know that I am proud of my accomplishments.
3. Friends who help me in my job search - there are so many of my friends that keep their eyes open, provide suggestions, and pass along my resume, make an introduction, or help me in other ways. Thank you! I am a big believer in karma, and am happy to give back directly or indirectly to you all for your kindness.
4. Another closet decluttered - we had 6 extra pillows - and a lot of dust bunnies. Only 30 minutes of shared cleaning time with the hubby and we have now conquered 3 closets, only 5 more to go (and all our rooms!). Definite progress!
5. My husband for working so many odd jobs, strange hours, interesting uniforms, and always smiling, rain or shine (literally). I don't have the patience for random, small jobs where I feel underpaid. It's been a rocky road for us since we moved in together, but we are managing to get through. I know good things will come our way, and one day, we won't have to worry as much.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Conversations that don’t involve “ROAR!”
I’ve found one of the most challenging things as a mom of a toddler is to carry a normal adult conversation while my little monster is in the room. Ever since I dropped him off at daycare at the young age of 3 months, he has always wanted to share what is on his mind. I vividly remember picking him up that first day of daycare more than 2 years ago, and he chatted my ear off the entire 20 minute car ride home. Of course I had no idea what he was saying, but I knew he had strong opinions that he needed to share. Today, he is quite verbal; my husband and I are amazed at his vocabulary, his ability to form sentences (and I do mean full sentences), and even now he’s getting more familiar with the correct pronouns. While his conversations may be repetitive, he is nonetheless determined to have me hear what he has to say, and that means now!
We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.
We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.
To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about
This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.
I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:
1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.
2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).
3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.
4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!
5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.
For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!
Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!
Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!
We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.
We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.
To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about
This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.
I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:
1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.
2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).
3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.
4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!
5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.
For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!
Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!
Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Lost Art of Relationships and Conversation
I have been to at least 40 weddings in my life – at one point (in my 20s), I was attending about 7 weddings a year, and now, thankfully, it’s closer to 1 or 2 a year. I will say that during my engagement, weddings became somewhat of a sport where I would analyze what I liked and didn’t like (or what didn’t work) at the weddings we attended. I learned from each one and we borrowed many of our ideas from the numerous weddings we’ve been to over the years. I loved our wedding, it was a blast and reflected who we are as a couple. I learned a special hula and surprised my husband during the reception; he was blown away and loved every second of it.
I was glad when our wedding planning was over and we were able to fully enjoy any wedding during our first year of marriage because we no longer had the pressure to evaluate the details of each wedding, we could truly relax and celebrate our friends’ love for each other.
Recently I attended a wedding that took the cake (I know, bad pun, but I had to!). The bride and groom had so much love for each other, you could feel it in the air and it set the tone for the wedding and the reception. Not only are they truly perfect for each other, but they also love every single person that was in attendance. It was incredible. As a guest, it was one of those weddings where all the guests and family interact with each other – not just the people they know. The parents were grinning ear to ear, the siblings so happy about the additional sibling coming into the family, and everyone was on the dance floor. The happy newlyweds exuded pure delight, love and appreciate for each other and everyone there, and it would have been too much except for the fact that it was genuine. Here’s one example that touched me, my husband and my parents (who were also at the wedding): the bride and groom wrote a personal message to every guest on the inside of their table seating card. I’m talking a good 3-5 (typed) lines of heartfelt, well thought out, personal memories, that truly connected the guest to the bride and/or groom (depending on who knew whom).
Amazing, isn’t it? A personal connection touched every guest at that wedding – even driving some of us to tears (happy ones, of course). This leads me to today’s topic: The lost art of human relationships.
Today’s world is so busy; to do lists, family demands, work pressures, home chores, errands to run, not to mention you’d like to get to the gym, have time to explore some kind of new knowledge, carve time out for girlfriends, and oh yeah, some alone time would be great! It becomes overwhelming, and we tend to look for shortcuts. How many of us stay in touch with friends over facebook? Do you actively look for their status updates? Do you post to someone’s wall on random days (not a birthday)? Do you send a personal email – or better yet – have you picked up the phone and spoken to them? Maybe, you have gone out and caught up in person?! Shocking, I know! If most people are careful what they post on social networks, how much do you really know about your friends?
What happened to having a conversation and being engaged and interested? My father and husband will whip out the iPhone at any chance, and it drives me nuts. I used to think it was a male thing, but I see plenty of women constantly checking as well. In fact, I saw 3 women playing catch (with plastic lacrosse-like scoops and a whiffle ball) and one woman would check her phone after she threw the ball. When you are out with friends, do you check your phone for texts, emails, tweets? Has this happened to you and you wonder, “Am I really that boring? Or is my friend insecure? Or is something else going on?”
We all know I’m far from perfect (remember, I’m a work in progress) – I can get distracted especially in coffee houses. Earlier this week I met a great woman who is seeking a better job; we were introduced over email from a mutual friend who thought we would get along well. He was right, we do – she’s smart, cool, good head on her shoulders, easy to talk to – it was as if we had known each other for awhile. I’m not sure why, but I was intrigued by two women at the next table who appeared to be having an interview. By the end of their conversation, I was wondering if one of the women was the surrogate for the other! I was lucky that the woman I met with is understanding, patient and was also a bit intrigued at the other scenario. Why couldn’t I block out the neighboring table? Human curiosity is my best guess. I can be nosy at times, and it’s fun to overhear snippets of conversations and guess the unspoken context.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have been fortunate enough to know what it feels like when both people are fully participating, engaged, and in the moment during a conversation. Today’s pressures tend to have us multi-tasking and unfocused on anything we are touching because our attention is divided before we even sit down to do something. Part of the reason I haven’t posted an entry since last week is we’ve had house guests since mid-May. I know writing a blog takes time and concentration, so I thought the two people who have so kindly chosen to follow me wouldn’t mind if I was a few days late in my posts.
The other part of the reason for my delay is procrastination. I know, I started out so motivated, and then plop. I can make excuses, provide rationale, but I’ll just admit that it was procrastination, and instead of writing this entry earlier in the week, I was able to get a ton of other things done. A bit selfish of me…of course, I have no idea who is actually reading this because I haven’t received any comments yet (please, someone post a comment so I know you are out there!).
As for my procrastination project, let’s just say it’s past my usual bedtime – but I wanted to get at least one post up before the end of the week! I started running again, and hope to get at least two more runs in before Monday to get back on track. I’ve been getting outside everyday, and networking with old and new friends. And I’ve been tackling my to do list – whether it’s introducing new friends, getting the word out about this blog, figuring out what I want my future/career to look like, and spending quality time with my son. All in all, I’m in a better place than I was earlier this year. Life is good. If I could figure out how to monetize living life, I could be on to something!
I’ll end with my 5 things I’m grateful for:
1. Thunderstorms – they have been pretty loud this week and it reminds me of the first time I told my husband I loved him (back when we were dating). It slipped out by accident (I was waiting for him to say it first), and then sleep set in. He called me out on it a few hours later – and also shared that he loved me too. Awww.
2. Catching up with old friends – I was lucky to reconnect with an old college friend this morning before he spoke at a conference. We are Linkedin and facebook friends, but this morning we were able to talk for more than an hour, no distractions, and just enjoyed hearing each other’s stories – what we’ve been up to since the mid-90s.
3. My son’s singing ability – he loves to burst into song randomly, and he’s at a point where we can actually understand the words he’s singing. He does a great version of “The More We Get Together”, “Take me Out to the Ball Game”, “Shabbat Shalom” and some of his Fisher-Price toys.
4. The microwave timer – helping to set expectations of a two year old is a lot easier when a timer is involved (e.g. I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, when the timer goes off, it’s dinner time.). I wonder how old he’ll be when he realizes what I’m doing.
5. An empty house – my husband was out of the house tonight for a few hours, and I was able to get a lot done online while he was gone. I love him, and missed him, but if he was here I would have plopped down on the couch and wasted the night away watching TV.
Perhaps my next post will be on the effects of procrastination, and how that is the best motivation to avoid procrastinating at all costs! What keeps you from doing the things on your to do list in the right order? When did you last have a conversation where you really connected with someone (a new friend, an old one, your signficant other)? What is your favorite relationship and why is it so special? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so we can start our own conversation (online!).
I was glad when our wedding planning was over and we were able to fully enjoy any wedding during our first year of marriage because we no longer had the pressure to evaluate the details of each wedding, we could truly relax and celebrate our friends’ love for each other.
Recently I attended a wedding that took the cake (I know, bad pun, but I had to!). The bride and groom had so much love for each other, you could feel it in the air and it set the tone for the wedding and the reception. Not only are they truly perfect for each other, but they also love every single person that was in attendance. It was incredible. As a guest, it was one of those weddings where all the guests and family interact with each other – not just the people they know. The parents were grinning ear to ear, the siblings so happy about the additional sibling coming into the family, and everyone was on the dance floor. The happy newlyweds exuded pure delight, love and appreciate for each other and everyone there, and it would have been too much except for the fact that it was genuine. Here’s one example that touched me, my husband and my parents (who were also at the wedding): the bride and groom wrote a personal message to every guest on the inside of their table seating card. I’m talking a good 3-5 (typed) lines of heartfelt, well thought out, personal memories, that truly connected the guest to the bride and/or groom (depending on who knew whom).
Amazing, isn’t it? A personal connection touched every guest at that wedding – even driving some of us to tears (happy ones, of course). This leads me to today’s topic: The lost art of human relationships.
Today’s world is so busy; to do lists, family demands, work pressures, home chores, errands to run, not to mention you’d like to get to the gym, have time to explore some kind of new knowledge, carve time out for girlfriends, and oh yeah, some alone time would be great! It becomes overwhelming, and we tend to look for shortcuts. How many of us stay in touch with friends over facebook? Do you actively look for their status updates? Do you post to someone’s wall on random days (not a birthday)? Do you send a personal email – or better yet – have you picked up the phone and spoken to them? Maybe, you have gone out and caught up in person?! Shocking, I know! If most people are careful what they post on social networks, how much do you really know about your friends?
What happened to having a conversation and being engaged and interested? My father and husband will whip out the iPhone at any chance, and it drives me nuts. I used to think it was a male thing, but I see plenty of women constantly checking as well. In fact, I saw 3 women playing catch (with plastic lacrosse-like scoops and a whiffle ball) and one woman would check her phone after she threw the ball. When you are out with friends, do you check your phone for texts, emails, tweets? Has this happened to you and you wonder, “Am I really that boring? Or is my friend insecure? Or is something else going on?”
We all know I’m far from perfect (remember, I’m a work in progress) – I can get distracted especially in coffee houses. Earlier this week I met a great woman who is seeking a better job; we were introduced over email from a mutual friend who thought we would get along well. He was right, we do – she’s smart, cool, good head on her shoulders, easy to talk to – it was as if we had known each other for awhile. I’m not sure why, but I was intrigued by two women at the next table who appeared to be having an interview. By the end of their conversation, I was wondering if one of the women was the surrogate for the other! I was lucky that the woman I met with is understanding, patient and was also a bit intrigued at the other scenario. Why couldn’t I block out the neighboring table? Human curiosity is my best guess. I can be nosy at times, and it’s fun to overhear snippets of conversations and guess the unspoken context.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have been fortunate enough to know what it feels like when both people are fully participating, engaged, and in the moment during a conversation. Today’s pressures tend to have us multi-tasking and unfocused on anything we are touching because our attention is divided before we even sit down to do something. Part of the reason I haven’t posted an entry since last week is we’ve had house guests since mid-May. I know writing a blog takes time and concentration, so I thought the two people who have so kindly chosen to follow me wouldn’t mind if I was a few days late in my posts.
The other part of the reason for my delay is procrastination. I know, I started out so motivated, and then plop. I can make excuses, provide rationale, but I’ll just admit that it was procrastination, and instead of writing this entry earlier in the week, I was able to get a ton of other things done. A bit selfish of me…of course, I have no idea who is actually reading this because I haven’t received any comments yet (please, someone post a comment so I know you are out there!).
As for my procrastination project, let’s just say it’s past my usual bedtime – but I wanted to get at least one post up before the end of the week! I started running again, and hope to get at least two more runs in before Monday to get back on track. I’ve been getting outside everyday, and networking with old and new friends. And I’ve been tackling my to do list – whether it’s introducing new friends, getting the word out about this blog, figuring out what I want my future/career to look like, and spending quality time with my son. All in all, I’m in a better place than I was earlier this year. Life is good. If I could figure out how to monetize living life, I could be on to something!
I’ll end with my 5 things I’m grateful for:
1. Thunderstorms – they have been pretty loud this week and it reminds me of the first time I told my husband I loved him (back when we were dating). It slipped out by accident (I was waiting for him to say it first), and then sleep set in. He called me out on it a few hours later – and also shared that he loved me too. Awww.
2. Catching up with old friends – I was lucky to reconnect with an old college friend this morning before he spoke at a conference. We are Linkedin and facebook friends, but this morning we were able to talk for more than an hour, no distractions, and just enjoyed hearing each other’s stories – what we’ve been up to since the mid-90s.
3. My son’s singing ability – he loves to burst into song randomly, and he’s at a point where we can actually understand the words he’s singing. He does a great version of “The More We Get Together”, “Take me Out to the Ball Game”, “Shabbat Shalom” and some of his Fisher-Price toys.
4. The microwave timer – helping to set expectations of a two year old is a lot easier when a timer is involved (e.g. I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, when the timer goes off, it’s dinner time.). I wonder how old he’ll be when he realizes what I’m doing.
5. An empty house – my husband was out of the house tonight for a few hours, and I was able to get a lot done online while he was gone. I love him, and missed him, but if he was here I would have plopped down on the couch and wasted the night away watching TV.
Perhaps my next post will be on the effects of procrastination, and how that is the best motivation to avoid procrastinating at all costs! What keeps you from doing the things on your to do list in the right order? When did you last have a conversation where you really connected with someone (a new friend, an old one, your signficant other)? What is your favorite relationship and why is it so special? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so we can start our own conversation (online!).
Friday, May 28, 2010
Envisioning Positive Goals
I am fortunate to be a part of a women's business book club, that just so happens to include some incredible women. We meet monthly, and I look forward to attending each month because I learn so much from the group, as well as the guest speakers. Today's guest speaker, Ellen Rogin, was absolutely amazing.
Ellen is a phenomenal woman who works in the banking industry, wrote a book called The Women's Guide to Prosperity, has a family, gives back to the community, is a public speaker/motivator, and is one of those women that you just want to pick her brain. Ellen spoke to us about looking, seeing, and focusing on the positive things in our lives, and understanding the importance of measuring success through personal happiness.
I hope that I am capturing a fair amount of her wisdom and eloquence - if you want to read more, check out her site: http://www.ellenrogin.com/ and http://www.begreatwithmoney.com/. She did not ask me to write anything, I was so moved by her session this morning that I thought I'd share it with you.
Some the key takeaways:
Ellen is a phenomenal woman who works in the banking industry, wrote a book called The Women's Guide to Prosperity, has a family, gives back to the community, is a public speaker/motivator, and is one of those women that you just want to pick her brain. Ellen spoke to us about looking, seeing, and focusing on the positive things in our lives, and understanding the importance of measuring success through personal happiness.
I hope that I am capturing a fair amount of her wisdom and eloquence - if you want to read more, check out her site: http://www.ellenrogin.com/ and http://www.begreatwithmoney.com/. She did not ask me to write anything, I was so moved by her session this morning that I thought I'd share it with you.
Some the key takeaways:
- Focus on what you want to achieve/accomplish
- Ask yourself what's the new opportunity?
- Get rid of negative thinking - when you catch yourself saying/thinking something negative say "Cancel. Clear." So you cancel the thought, clear your mind, and get back on the positive mindset. (my husband is particularly excited about this one as I have had a few snappy moments with him - which is unfair to him).
- Clear the clutter - physical clutter and mental clutter. Did something happen in the past that is still bringing you down - we all have something (or many things) - it's time to let it go.
- Be flexible. Are you in a rut? Try new things - eat different foods at breakfast, take a different route to work/park/school, etc.
- Measure your success in Gross Personal Happiness. Once you have your basic needs covered (food, shelter, clothing), additional money does not bring additional happiness like you may think it does.
- Visualize what you want. Athletes do it. THINK about what you want, then SEE it in your mind. Imagine how you'll FEEL when it comes true, and TALK about your dream as if it's already true.
Ellen took us through a visualization exercise of what we wanted our life to look like in 6 months. I envisioned walking down a sunny street with my husband, and my son, and we were all smiling, laughing, holding hands. It was a beautiful day where the sunshine was hitting our faces, and a nice cooling breeze. I was relaxed, happy, healthy (and physically fit) and there was a sense of freedom, and lightness around me. We were all truly in the moment, enjoying every second of it.
I was able to feel that way because in 6 months, my clutter will be gone, and I won't have a to do list hanging over my head - allowing me to enjoy special time with my family. It's as if this clutter is a huge weight on my shoulders, and it's prohibiting me from moving or seeing the next opportunity. Okay, I agree, that last statement is a bit melodramatic, but it is something that is weighing on me, and this is the time to take care of it once and for all.
The last thing Ellen mentioned was a daily dose of gratitude. Every day, share with someone 5 things you are grateful for - and this is something your kids can do as well. I'll end this post with my 5 for today (in no particular order):
- Women who Flourish Business book club - this group continues to impress me with amazing women, incredible energy, insightful discussions, and has already proven to be a huge part of my personal growth.
- My husband - who I may tease and nit-pick, but when push comes to shove, he is there for me, supportive, and loving. As a team we really do make the best of some really tough situations.
- My son - who the other day while singing The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round corrected me when I sang "The parents on the bus go shhh, shhh, shhh" he said "No Mommy. The parents on the bus go I love you." He continues to amaze me with his cuteness.
- My friends - who have been there for me through many highs and lows. They call me out on stuff, they listen to me, help me figure things out, and make me laugh when I sometimes forget why it's so important.
- My health - I am lucky to be healthy, and my body is doing well for a 30 something. In fact, I've enjoyed many power walks with friends, long rollerblades by the lake, and maybe, just maybe, I'll start running again. I'll continue to eat healthier foods (less processed, more whole grains, fruits and vegetables) and no matter what, I will never deny myself chocolate!
- (Bonus gratitude point) The men and women who protect this country and help others who aren't strong enough to protect themselves. My intention is not to justify the war, but rather to show support for our troops that give so much of themselves. I hope they can all come home safely soon.
I now understand why so many people blog, it's very therapeutic! Let me hear from you - what are you grateful for? What does your vision of happiness look like?
I hope you all have a fabulous holiday weekend.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
