Last week, we visited my husband's family in New Jersey, and stayed with his 90-year-old grandmother. She spoke those words to me a few times, as she shook her head and looked down in sadness. Her husband is in a convalescent home, and she can't hear anything unless we shout something to her (she refuses to get new hearing aids). It's sad, and then I thought, well, we all make choices in our life and we have to understand that there are consequences, some good, some bad. What really saddens me is she couldn't hear little C say "Good morning Great Nana!" or anything else he said to her. I'm not sure why she is so stubborn and set in her ways (I'm guessing it's a mix of her generation as well as her age), but she is not happy. She says she doesn't want to continue living like this, but yet she won't make any changes.
Benjamin Franklin is credited with this quote about insanity, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."
I think that sums up her situation perfectly. I also thought about my life, and how I had no idea it would be like this. I've said time and again, I'm lucky because if I keep perspective, I realize that we (my loved ones) are in good health and only have to deal with minor illnesses. I have a friend that is battling cancer several times (and he's younger than 40), I know many friends who are in the process of understanding their autistic children, I have friends who have parents that are battling cancer, or worse, have lost their parents for many years now. This perspective helps keep me grounded, and reminds me that my situation may be challenging, but it's not life threatening.
At the end of my life, which I hope is a long time from now, I want to look back and think about all the wonderful people I've had a chance to love, engage, teach, play, laugh, and explore places. My husband is a great man who has incredible patience, a love for social interaction, pop culture, and family. He has his qualities that could use a little work as well (we all do!), but he reminds me that as a team, we are much stronger and we can get through some very tough situations. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that, but I've been working hard on improving myself for me, for him, for our family - and it's starting to pay off. On our road trip back to Chicago, we passed by an SUV that had a propeller on the tail gate hitch. I looked at him and said something like "He must be a boat enthusiast" which I quickly followed with "Wow - I'm such a marketing nerd!" and we both laughed. I had a few other comments which had us both cracking up, and I realized it had been a long time since I made him laugh. It felt so good to be able to get a real laugh out of him, and I hope that I'll continue to crack him up daily!
Change is a funny thing. People often say they embrace it, but when push comes to shove, change makes people uncomfortable. People like routines, knowing what to expect, and often get comfortable in their lives. This economy has shaken us all, and even if you are lucky enough to have your job, you know someone, probably many, who have been affected. Here's the tricky part, most people are not going to share how much they have been affected - some may hide their struggles, some may show a happy face, but no matter how people deal with their new reality, there are internal struggles happening daily. Maybe it's at the grocery store, where you are no longer buying organic items or special treats. Maybe you haven't bought a new pair of shoes in a long time, because your old shoes will get you through another season. Maybe the little luxuries, such as mani/pedis, are much less frequent. Whatever is changing for you, the real question is, what have you learned from this economic climate, and what are you doing to change your situation? I'm talking about long-term strategic fixes, not band-aid solutions. Yes, you need the short-term plan as you need to keep the roof over your head, but you also need to paint the picture of what you want your life to look like.
That's not an easy thing to do, but it's critical for you and your significant other to discuss and get on the same page now. I know that if I am lucky enough to be 90, I don't want my husband in a home when I'm still healthy enough to live alone (with some assistance). If I'm growing old with him, we're doing it under the same roof. Maybe I'll be sick of him by then, but I can't imagine spending 50+ years together and then being apart, only to see each other a few hours a week. No thank you - not for me. I vowed to share my life with him, and that's what we'll do - no matter what it takes.
Easier said then done, but really, if we paint the picture of what we want to achieve, all we need to do is figure out the many steps it takes to get there, and then do it. Every time you get pushed down, you just have to get up and try again - but this time, try something new.
I think it's time for my daily gratitudes:
1. My health. Even though I'm not in the best shape of my life (once upon a time I ran a marathon), I'm healthy. Remember those goals of working out? Now is the time for me to act!
2. My ability to realize that every day is a chance for a fresh start. This has come in very handy during the tough times.
3. My husband's odd jobs. I don't know what we'd do if he didn't take all these random promotion jobs the past few months. He's been working hard and often long or odd hours. He's napping now because he got up at 5:15 am.
4. Little C's language development. He is a non-stop chatter box with full sentences, stringing logic together, and an ever expanding vocabulary. It is so much easier to deal with an irrational toddler when they can tell you what is upsetting them by using words.
5. September. I am glad that the summer is winding down. It was fun, and we had many great adventures, but it's time to get back to work! I just hope the winter isn't brutal this year!
What do you want your life to look like? What are you doing about it?
What makes you insane and are you going to do something to change the outcome?
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Costly Conversations and Hot Muggy Nights
In case you were on the edge of your seats about our cell phone provider, I must confess that we did end up staying with AT&T after I spoke with a customer service rep that "gets it." She understood that I should not have had to endure 2-3 hours of my time dealing with AT&T and understands the value of keeping a customer happy. We ended up getting $100 for our troubles if we signed a new contract. So we are waiting for the iPhone to arrive at the AT&T store (7-10 days), and my husband will once again feel connected to the world in a week or so.
As a marketer, I thought about the cost of my interactions from AT&T's perspective. If AT&T had a different policy, where we weren't charged for the service once we shut it off, they would have only lost $39.99 ($30 for data, $9.99 for 2nd line). I have no idea what the cost of talking with reps for 2-3 hours is for AT&T, and we wound up getting $100 for our inconvience, $9.99 refund for his line, no charge for his data plan until we activate the service again (within 30 days). We've all heard it's more expensive to get a new customer than to keep an old one. AT&T could have avoided a lot of cost if they empowered their reps more, and understood their customer. We would happily provide a police report number to show we were not trying to work the system. Oh well, maybe someone at AT&T will read this and revise their policies if someone gets mugged; especially considering they have a Customer Satisfaction award they boast on their web site.
I continue to stop random people on the street that are so engrossed in their smart phones that they are just screaming "come and mug me" - and everyone seems to be appreciative of the advice. Just today, I stopped a woman walking down Southport Corridor, she was checking messages on her smart phone and had her purse over one shoulder, her wallet tucked under her other arm, and phone in hand. She pointed out to me how careless she was after I warned her, and hopefully she'll spread the word to be safe and be aware - we do live in a city after all.
As I'm writing today's post, my AC is getting fixed; a few nights ago it felt unusually warm (I'm normally frozen in our home). It turns out the pilot light went out, and the circuit board needed to be replaced. The pilot light affected the hot water heater, so poor little C had to take a cold bath one night, and he screamed his head off. My husband couldn't understand why...oy! Eventually, the screaming stopped, and we convinced our sweet little boy that it was okay to sleep naked since the AC was broken.
I should mention that our 2.5 year old likes to compare and check for similarities. So after we told him he would be sleeping naked, he promptly asked, "Mommy, you sleep naked too?" in his sweet little innocent voice. We instantly realized the precarious situation we were imposing on ourselves, and corrected our statement by saying, "well, you will sleep in your diaper, and mommy will sleep in her underwear. It's too hot for pajamas." We can only hope that he chose to talk about other things at daycare.
Ah, to be a parent of a toddler, it always keeps you on your toes. I will say there is much to be learned at this stage, and the biggest lesson I've taken away is how critical it is to communicate clearly about expectations, setting the context, and how to properly interact with each other. I'm no saint, by any means, and I do occassionally lose my patience (like when I have to go to the bathroom and he's stalling in the parking lot watching a bug in wonder) - but I continue to try and give my best effort and remind myself that he's the 2.5 year old, and I'm the adult. It's comical, really.
Speaking of the little bugger, it's time for me to pick him up from daycare, head over to Trader Joe's so he can push the grocery cart around (he's really good at it), and we can try a new recipe, a peanut inspired broccoli and beef dish - yum!
I thought I'd end with my daily gratitudes:
1. My husband - We had a fabulous date last night at Jazzin' at the Shedd (without the kid). We got to feel a live star fish, see a baby beluga (did you know they start out grey and as they age they turn white - truly beautiful animals), listen to Jazz, ran into a friend who now works there, and just enjoyed walking around and holding hands.
2. My parents - for always wanting little C to sleep over, and allowing us to enjoy some adult time (see #1).
3. Job search - all I'll say is that there is positive activity for both of us.
4. Health - my family is lucky that we are not dealing with anything serious - I've heard a few too many stories about people we know, or friends of friends - and we are sending prayers and well wishes for everyone to get healthy soon.
5. Time - the summer is flying by, but I also feel like I've enjoyed it. Next week the weather is supposed to be gorgeous, so I'm planning on a few rollerblading and running sessions on the lake. Want to join me?
I hope you all have a safe and fun time these last few weeks of summer. I'll be writing again soon - especially after the exciting weekend plans we have!
As a marketer, I thought about the cost of my interactions from AT&T's perspective. If AT&T had a different policy, where we weren't charged for the service once we shut it off, they would have only lost $39.99 ($30 for data, $9.99 for 2nd line). I have no idea what the cost of talking with reps for 2-3 hours is for AT&T, and we wound up getting $100 for our inconvience, $9.99 refund for his line, no charge for his data plan until we activate the service again (within 30 days). We've all heard it's more expensive to get a new customer than to keep an old one. AT&T could have avoided a lot of cost if they empowered their reps more, and understood their customer. We would happily provide a police report number to show we were not trying to work the system. Oh well, maybe someone at AT&T will read this and revise their policies if someone gets mugged; especially considering they have a Customer Satisfaction award they boast on their web site.
I continue to stop random people on the street that are so engrossed in their smart phones that they are just screaming "come and mug me" - and everyone seems to be appreciative of the advice. Just today, I stopped a woman walking down Southport Corridor, she was checking messages on her smart phone and had her purse over one shoulder, her wallet tucked under her other arm, and phone in hand. She pointed out to me how careless she was after I warned her, and hopefully she'll spread the word to be safe and be aware - we do live in a city after all.
As I'm writing today's post, my AC is getting fixed; a few nights ago it felt unusually warm (I'm normally frozen in our home). It turns out the pilot light went out, and the circuit board needed to be replaced. The pilot light affected the hot water heater, so poor little C had to take a cold bath one night, and he screamed his head off. My husband couldn't understand why...oy! Eventually, the screaming stopped, and we convinced our sweet little boy that it was okay to sleep naked since the AC was broken.
I should mention that our 2.5 year old likes to compare and check for similarities. So after we told him he would be sleeping naked, he promptly asked, "Mommy, you sleep naked too?" in his sweet little innocent voice. We instantly realized the precarious situation we were imposing on ourselves, and corrected our statement by saying, "well, you will sleep in your diaper, and mommy will sleep in her underwear. It's too hot for pajamas." We can only hope that he chose to talk about other things at daycare.
Ah, to be a parent of a toddler, it always keeps you on your toes. I will say there is much to be learned at this stage, and the biggest lesson I've taken away is how critical it is to communicate clearly about expectations, setting the context, and how to properly interact with each other. I'm no saint, by any means, and I do occassionally lose my patience (like when I have to go to the bathroom and he's stalling in the parking lot watching a bug in wonder) - but I continue to try and give my best effort and remind myself that he's the 2.5 year old, and I'm the adult. It's comical, really.
Speaking of the little bugger, it's time for me to pick him up from daycare, head over to Trader Joe's so he can push the grocery cart around (he's really good at it), and we can try a new recipe, a peanut inspired broccoli and beef dish - yum!
I thought I'd end with my daily gratitudes:
1. My husband - We had a fabulous date last night at Jazzin' at the Shedd (without the kid). We got to feel a live star fish, see a baby beluga (did you know they start out grey and as they age they turn white - truly beautiful animals), listen to Jazz, ran into a friend who now works there, and just enjoyed walking around and holding hands.
2. My parents - for always wanting little C to sleep over, and allowing us to enjoy some adult time (see #1).
3. Job search - all I'll say is that there is positive activity for both of us.
4. Health - my family is lucky that we are not dealing with anything serious - I've heard a few too many stories about people we know, or friends of friends - and we are sending prayers and well wishes for everyone to get healthy soon.
5. Time - the summer is flying by, but I also feel like I've enjoyed it. Next week the weather is supposed to be gorgeous, so I'm planning on a few rollerblading and running sessions on the lake. Want to join me?
I hope you all have a safe and fun time these last few weeks of summer. I'll be writing again soon - especially after the exciting weekend plans we have!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Summer Daze
When I was a senior in high school, my friends made up a shirt that we wore with pride "Senior Slump: No Brains On Board" and it was true. As soon as I received my early acceptance into college, I was pretty checked out. Of course I didn't let my grades slip horribly, but I didn't sign up for my last semester of French (after 5.5 years) because the idea of taking a 3-hr AP test in a foreign language just did not sound like a lot of fun.
So here I am some not quite 20 years later, and I just had a summer slump for the past month. If you read my blog you know that I set up some lofty goals - all well intended of course! My thought process is, if I put pen to paper and share it with you, that will ensure the commitment. Ha! Let's see how well I'm doing:
Exercise - I've made excuses, either too hot/humid, or it's raining, or I'm too tired - well, the facts are in, and I've gained weight - so it's time for me to hold myself accountable and get to the gym on the days where the weather isn't perfect. My husband and I are also considering workouts seen on infomercials, such as P90X or Insanity workout by Beachbody. Have you had any success with any of these programs? It's all about working out in a way that surprises your muscles, using your body as the weight. It's not a gimmic - it would be hard work - and my favorite part of the infomercial that makes me laugh is a pool of sweat on the floor from doing the Insanity workout.
Reading - I did finish the book, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen and I am becoming more conscious of my complaints, and trying to get through the 21 consecutive days. It is one of the toughest things I've attempted - and I know it will be life changing. I'll let you know when I'm there. Apparently, it takes most people 6-8 months to achieve that goal. Want to join with me?
New recipes - after finishing my recipe book (several inches thick), I have tried several new recipes - and most of them have been outstanding. I am looking forward to menu planning and incorporating new recipes each week - it's helps to spice things up (pun intended)!
5 things I'm grateful for - I seem to only do this when I'm writing the blog - so either I need to start blogging daily, or incorporate this into dinner conversation. This does go nicely with the complaint-free challenge.
Job search - I am looking for full-time work, and shifting gears away from the agency world. This last month has been great in terms of finding opportunities that really interest me. The interviews have started, and we'll see what pans out over the next month or two. Whatever happens, I feel good about my actions and that's what is most important.
Clutter - my husband and I are making progress. We have been going through our closets and some of our to dos - and we both feel good when we finish a project. Next Monday, we are cleaning our office all day - and getting organized so that we can have some good ch'i (energy in terms of Feng Shui) and be open and ready for many good things to come our way. I am very excited and look forward to a clean, organized space where we will be more efficient.
Blogging - of course, how could I not talk about this? I think it's funny my last entry was about taking a break, and then I didn't post for a month! Maybe I needed a bigger break that I realized. What I do know is this summer has provided me the opportunity to take things easy, work on some personal things, enjoy time with my family, spend time with family and friends who are visiting, and I've had time to think. It's not easy being a working mom, and it's not easy being a mom who's looking for work - and for me, it's because personal time is one of the most precious luxuries. I think many people (not just moms) will find personal time is limited - and if you don't have personal time, how do you have time to think about things? I would say the best thing about this summer has been the flexibility of my time, and the fact that I don't feel I have to fill every hour of every day with some type of activity.
So I leave you with another hodgepodge of thoughts about life - dazed and okay with it.
Daily Gratitudes:
1. Finishing a book - and a book that I wanted to read on my own selection. I think the last time I read a book on my own accord was during my pregnancy (so about 3 years ago).
2. Watching family with little C - my husband's brother is in town and it was a lot of fun to watch him win over little C with a hand puppet (a rabbit that can pop out of a hat).
3. Little C sleeping in until 8:05 am today (he's normally up around 6:30 am). For anyone with kids, you understand.
4. Leftovers - the flavors meld and intensify, and all you have to do is reheat.
5. Discover Card bonus rewards - I've had my Discover card since I was in college - and I love that I can get gift cards with my cash back bonus, without paying an annual fee. My favorites seem to be: Spafinder, DSW shoes, and Gap. most of the time I'll get a giftcard for $50, for only $40 of my rewards - 20% bonus, on top of something already free! Love it!
What are your summer days like? What is your favorite activity you've made time for? How are your resolutions going? I want to hear from you!
So here I am some not quite 20 years later, and I just had a summer slump for the past month. If you read my blog you know that I set up some lofty goals - all well intended of course! My thought process is, if I put pen to paper and share it with you, that will ensure the commitment. Ha! Let's see how well I'm doing:
Exercise - I've made excuses, either too hot/humid, or it's raining, or I'm too tired - well, the facts are in, and I've gained weight - so it's time for me to hold myself accountable and get to the gym on the days where the weather isn't perfect. My husband and I are also considering workouts seen on infomercials, such as P90X or Insanity workout by Beachbody. Have you had any success with any of these programs? It's all about working out in a way that surprises your muscles, using your body as the weight. It's not a gimmic - it would be hard work - and my favorite part of the infomercial that makes me laugh is a pool of sweat on the floor from doing the Insanity workout.
Reading - I did finish the book, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen and I am becoming more conscious of my complaints, and trying to get through the 21 consecutive days. It is one of the toughest things I've attempted - and I know it will be life changing. I'll let you know when I'm there. Apparently, it takes most people 6-8 months to achieve that goal. Want to join with me?
New recipes - after finishing my recipe book (several inches thick), I have tried several new recipes - and most of them have been outstanding. I am looking forward to menu planning and incorporating new recipes each week - it's helps to spice things up (pun intended)!
5 things I'm grateful for - I seem to only do this when I'm writing the blog - so either I need to start blogging daily, or incorporate this into dinner conversation. This does go nicely with the complaint-free challenge.
Job search - I am looking for full-time work, and shifting gears away from the agency world. This last month has been great in terms of finding opportunities that really interest me. The interviews have started, and we'll see what pans out over the next month or two. Whatever happens, I feel good about my actions and that's what is most important.
Clutter - my husband and I are making progress. We have been going through our closets and some of our to dos - and we both feel good when we finish a project. Next Monday, we are cleaning our office all day - and getting organized so that we can have some good ch'i (energy in terms of Feng Shui) and be open and ready for many good things to come our way. I am very excited and look forward to a clean, organized space where we will be more efficient.
Blogging - of course, how could I not talk about this? I think it's funny my last entry was about taking a break, and then I didn't post for a month! Maybe I needed a bigger break that I realized. What I do know is this summer has provided me the opportunity to take things easy, work on some personal things, enjoy time with my family, spend time with family and friends who are visiting, and I've had time to think. It's not easy being a working mom, and it's not easy being a mom who's looking for work - and for me, it's because personal time is one of the most precious luxuries. I think many people (not just moms) will find personal time is limited - and if you don't have personal time, how do you have time to think about things? I would say the best thing about this summer has been the flexibility of my time, and the fact that I don't feel I have to fill every hour of every day with some type of activity.
So I leave you with another hodgepodge of thoughts about life - dazed and okay with it.
Daily Gratitudes:
1. Finishing a book - and a book that I wanted to read on my own selection. I think the last time I read a book on my own accord was during my pregnancy (so about 3 years ago).
2. Watching family with little C - my husband's brother is in town and it was a lot of fun to watch him win over little C with a hand puppet (a rabbit that can pop out of a hat).
3. Little C sleeping in until 8:05 am today (he's normally up around 6:30 am). For anyone with kids, you understand.
4. Leftovers - the flavors meld and intensify, and all you have to do is reheat.
5. Discover Card bonus rewards - I've had my Discover card since I was in college - and I love that I can get gift cards with my cash back bonus, without paying an annual fee. My favorites seem to be: Spafinder, DSW shoes, and Gap. most of the time I'll get a giftcard for $50, for only $40 of my rewards - 20% bonus, on top of something already free! Love it!
What are your summer days like? What is your favorite activity you've made time for? How are your resolutions going? I want to hear from you!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
The Dreaded Muffin Top
Remember the Seinfeld episode about muffin tops that Elaine loved from the bakery? I wish that was the muffin top I was referring to today. I’ll admit, I’m hard on myself – really hard. Today is no different, I am outing myself to the world and letting you all know that I have a muffin top.
I first learned about muffin tops when I moved to Chicago about 7 years ago. I saw many women here with flabby midsections and thin legs. I couldn’t understand it – and then I explained it after I saw how much beer women drink here. I have never been a big fan of beer, so I thought I was safe. Well, the past year my muffin top has slipped over the waistline of my pants.
Sure, I can give you excuses like, I have had a c-section, or I’m getting older and my body is changing, both true and probably contributing to my muffin top; but the real reason is I have not been exercising. Sure, I’ll go for a 9 mile rollerblade, or even a long walk (6 miles), but I’m not doing those cardio activities consistently, and my strength is way down from the days I lugged my little monster everywhere or drove my non-power steering Saturn (especially when I parallel parked in a tight spot – it really worked out my triceps!).
I know this because my husband and I worked-out yesterday, the ABS Diet Workout DVD. We selected the Total Body Workout – beginner level. The first exercise we did was lunges – and let me tell you, the very first one hurt, as did all the others! While I did do all the exercises, and used 28 oz jars of peanut butter (all natural not the Crisco loaded version anymore) as my weights, I felt every lunge, squat, row, and press there was. Here’s the pitiful fact, it was only about 10 minutes long. So my husband and I decided to do the abs workout, again, beginner level. Well, we worked our obliques, lower abs, upper abs, and maybe something else – I don’t even know – I was in so much pain – and today, I felt a dull pain in my lower abs for about half the day. Again, the abs workout was only about 10 minutes in length.
I wondered why I was so sore after 20 minutes, when I can go for hours walking or rollerblading. I realized my muscles have no strength, and that if my 20-something self, or even 30 year old self, saw me now – well, I’d be ashamed of myself.
So I’m committing to myself, and to you, and to my family, that enough is enough – I’m going to regain my strength and stamina (I’ve run a full marathon and a few half marathons), and get into incredible shape once and for all. The body needs to be toned, say goodbye to the muffin top, and hello to buns of steel again! The thighs, calves and arms will be solid, defined once more. The line down the middle of the tummy will appear, and maybe I’ll see a brick or two (never have before). I’m excited, I’m pumped – and I’m willing to work hard to get the results I want. In the end, we all know the benefits of healthy, strong muscles: better sleep, faster metabolism, more energy, a toned body is super sexy, and I’m sure there are other reasons – but those are enough for me.
Of course with hard work, you need to set rewards – so I will treat myself to a much needed new bikini if I keep up a consistent workout routine for the next 6 weeks. I should see results in 6 weeks – probably won’t reach my goal, but I will definitely see progress. I’m defining consistency as strength training 3 times a week and cardio 3 times a week. Big goals, but really, it’s 30 min a day, with a day off. That’s achievable.
Anyone else ready to get healthy and toned? What’s worked for you in the past? Are you hard on yourself? How do you celebrate your successes?
Five things I am thankful for:
1. Trying new recipes - last night and tonight I made new recipes (from my recipe book that I finally put together last month) - and they were delicious!
2. Finding great job postings - after coming to the realization that agency life is just not the right fit for me, it's nice to see job postings that sound interesting, challenging, and exciting. It's really great to submit my application for consideration and know that I am proud of my accomplishments.
3. Friends who help me in my job search - there are so many of my friends that keep their eyes open, provide suggestions, and pass along my resume, make an introduction, or help me in other ways. Thank you! I am a big believer in karma, and am happy to give back directly or indirectly to you all for your kindness.
4. Another closet decluttered - we had 6 extra pillows - and a lot of dust bunnies. Only 30 minutes of shared cleaning time with the hubby and we have now conquered 3 closets, only 5 more to go (and all our rooms!). Definite progress!
5. My husband for working so many odd jobs, strange hours, interesting uniforms, and always smiling, rain or shine (literally). I don't have the patience for random, small jobs where I feel underpaid. It's been a rocky road for us since we moved in together, but we are managing to get through. I know good things will come our way, and one day, we won't have to worry as much.
I first learned about muffin tops when I moved to Chicago about 7 years ago. I saw many women here with flabby midsections and thin legs. I couldn’t understand it – and then I explained it after I saw how much beer women drink here. I have never been a big fan of beer, so I thought I was safe. Well, the past year my muffin top has slipped over the waistline of my pants.
Sure, I can give you excuses like, I have had a c-section, or I’m getting older and my body is changing, both true and probably contributing to my muffin top; but the real reason is I have not been exercising. Sure, I’ll go for a 9 mile rollerblade, or even a long walk (6 miles), but I’m not doing those cardio activities consistently, and my strength is way down from the days I lugged my little monster everywhere or drove my non-power steering Saturn (especially when I parallel parked in a tight spot – it really worked out my triceps!).
I know this because my husband and I worked-out yesterday, the ABS Diet Workout DVD. We selected the Total Body Workout – beginner level. The first exercise we did was lunges – and let me tell you, the very first one hurt, as did all the others! While I did do all the exercises, and used 28 oz jars of peanut butter (all natural not the Crisco loaded version anymore) as my weights, I felt every lunge, squat, row, and press there was. Here’s the pitiful fact, it was only about 10 minutes long. So my husband and I decided to do the abs workout, again, beginner level. Well, we worked our obliques, lower abs, upper abs, and maybe something else – I don’t even know – I was in so much pain – and today, I felt a dull pain in my lower abs for about half the day. Again, the abs workout was only about 10 minutes in length.
I wondered why I was so sore after 20 minutes, when I can go for hours walking or rollerblading. I realized my muscles have no strength, and that if my 20-something self, or even 30 year old self, saw me now – well, I’d be ashamed of myself.
So I’m committing to myself, and to you, and to my family, that enough is enough – I’m going to regain my strength and stamina (I’ve run a full marathon and a few half marathons), and get into incredible shape once and for all. The body needs to be toned, say goodbye to the muffin top, and hello to buns of steel again! The thighs, calves and arms will be solid, defined once more. The line down the middle of the tummy will appear, and maybe I’ll see a brick or two (never have before). I’m excited, I’m pumped – and I’m willing to work hard to get the results I want. In the end, we all know the benefits of healthy, strong muscles: better sleep, faster metabolism, more energy, a toned body is super sexy, and I’m sure there are other reasons – but those are enough for me.
Of course with hard work, you need to set rewards – so I will treat myself to a much needed new bikini if I keep up a consistent workout routine for the next 6 weeks. I should see results in 6 weeks – probably won’t reach my goal, but I will definitely see progress. I’m defining consistency as strength training 3 times a week and cardio 3 times a week. Big goals, but really, it’s 30 min a day, with a day off. That’s achievable.
Anyone else ready to get healthy and toned? What’s worked for you in the past? Are you hard on yourself? How do you celebrate your successes?
Five things I am thankful for:
1. Trying new recipes - last night and tonight I made new recipes (from my recipe book that I finally put together last month) - and they were delicious!
2. Finding great job postings - after coming to the realization that agency life is just not the right fit for me, it's nice to see job postings that sound interesting, challenging, and exciting. It's really great to submit my application for consideration and know that I am proud of my accomplishments.
3. Friends who help me in my job search - there are so many of my friends that keep their eyes open, provide suggestions, and pass along my resume, make an introduction, or help me in other ways. Thank you! I am a big believer in karma, and am happy to give back directly or indirectly to you all for your kindness.
4. Another closet decluttered - we had 6 extra pillows - and a lot of dust bunnies. Only 30 minutes of shared cleaning time with the hubby and we have now conquered 3 closets, only 5 more to go (and all our rooms!). Definite progress!
5. My husband for working so many odd jobs, strange hours, interesting uniforms, and always smiling, rain or shine (literally). I don't have the patience for random, small jobs where I feel underpaid. It's been a rocky road for us since we moved in together, but we are managing to get through. I know good things will come our way, and one day, we won't have to worry as much.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Conversations that don’t involve “ROAR!”
I’ve found one of the most challenging things as a mom of a toddler is to carry a normal adult conversation while my little monster is in the room. Ever since I dropped him off at daycare at the young age of 3 months, he has always wanted to share what is on his mind. I vividly remember picking him up that first day of daycare more than 2 years ago, and he chatted my ear off the entire 20 minute car ride home. Of course I had no idea what he was saying, but I knew he had strong opinions that he needed to share. Today, he is quite verbal; my husband and I are amazed at his vocabulary, his ability to form sentences (and I do mean full sentences), and even now he’s getting more familiar with the correct pronouns. While his conversations may be repetitive, he is nonetheless determined to have me hear what he has to say, and that means now!
We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.
We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.
To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about
This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.
I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:
1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.
2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).
3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.
4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!
5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.
For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!
Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!
Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!
We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.
We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.
To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about
This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.
I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:
1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.
2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).
3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.
4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!
5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.
For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!
Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!
Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Lost Art of Relationships and Conversation
I have been to at least 40 weddings in my life – at one point (in my 20s), I was attending about 7 weddings a year, and now, thankfully, it’s closer to 1 or 2 a year. I will say that during my engagement, weddings became somewhat of a sport where I would analyze what I liked and didn’t like (or what didn’t work) at the weddings we attended. I learned from each one and we borrowed many of our ideas from the numerous weddings we’ve been to over the years. I loved our wedding, it was a blast and reflected who we are as a couple. I learned a special hula and surprised my husband during the reception; he was blown away and loved every second of it.
I was glad when our wedding planning was over and we were able to fully enjoy any wedding during our first year of marriage because we no longer had the pressure to evaluate the details of each wedding, we could truly relax and celebrate our friends’ love for each other.
Recently I attended a wedding that took the cake (I know, bad pun, but I had to!). The bride and groom had so much love for each other, you could feel it in the air and it set the tone for the wedding and the reception. Not only are they truly perfect for each other, but they also love every single person that was in attendance. It was incredible. As a guest, it was one of those weddings where all the guests and family interact with each other – not just the people they know. The parents were grinning ear to ear, the siblings so happy about the additional sibling coming into the family, and everyone was on the dance floor. The happy newlyweds exuded pure delight, love and appreciate for each other and everyone there, and it would have been too much except for the fact that it was genuine. Here’s one example that touched me, my husband and my parents (who were also at the wedding): the bride and groom wrote a personal message to every guest on the inside of their table seating card. I’m talking a good 3-5 (typed) lines of heartfelt, well thought out, personal memories, that truly connected the guest to the bride and/or groom (depending on who knew whom).
Amazing, isn’t it? A personal connection touched every guest at that wedding – even driving some of us to tears (happy ones, of course). This leads me to today’s topic: The lost art of human relationships.
Today’s world is so busy; to do lists, family demands, work pressures, home chores, errands to run, not to mention you’d like to get to the gym, have time to explore some kind of new knowledge, carve time out for girlfriends, and oh yeah, some alone time would be great! It becomes overwhelming, and we tend to look for shortcuts. How many of us stay in touch with friends over facebook? Do you actively look for their status updates? Do you post to someone’s wall on random days (not a birthday)? Do you send a personal email – or better yet – have you picked up the phone and spoken to them? Maybe, you have gone out and caught up in person?! Shocking, I know! If most people are careful what they post on social networks, how much do you really know about your friends?
What happened to having a conversation and being engaged and interested? My father and husband will whip out the iPhone at any chance, and it drives me nuts. I used to think it was a male thing, but I see plenty of women constantly checking as well. In fact, I saw 3 women playing catch (with plastic lacrosse-like scoops and a whiffle ball) and one woman would check her phone after she threw the ball. When you are out with friends, do you check your phone for texts, emails, tweets? Has this happened to you and you wonder, “Am I really that boring? Or is my friend insecure? Or is something else going on?”
We all know I’m far from perfect (remember, I’m a work in progress) – I can get distracted especially in coffee houses. Earlier this week I met a great woman who is seeking a better job; we were introduced over email from a mutual friend who thought we would get along well. He was right, we do – she’s smart, cool, good head on her shoulders, easy to talk to – it was as if we had known each other for awhile. I’m not sure why, but I was intrigued by two women at the next table who appeared to be having an interview. By the end of their conversation, I was wondering if one of the women was the surrogate for the other! I was lucky that the woman I met with is understanding, patient and was also a bit intrigued at the other scenario. Why couldn’t I block out the neighboring table? Human curiosity is my best guess. I can be nosy at times, and it’s fun to overhear snippets of conversations and guess the unspoken context.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have been fortunate enough to know what it feels like when both people are fully participating, engaged, and in the moment during a conversation. Today’s pressures tend to have us multi-tasking and unfocused on anything we are touching because our attention is divided before we even sit down to do something. Part of the reason I haven’t posted an entry since last week is we’ve had house guests since mid-May. I know writing a blog takes time and concentration, so I thought the two people who have so kindly chosen to follow me wouldn’t mind if I was a few days late in my posts.
The other part of the reason for my delay is procrastination. I know, I started out so motivated, and then plop. I can make excuses, provide rationale, but I’ll just admit that it was procrastination, and instead of writing this entry earlier in the week, I was able to get a ton of other things done. A bit selfish of me…of course, I have no idea who is actually reading this because I haven’t received any comments yet (please, someone post a comment so I know you are out there!).
As for my procrastination project, let’s just say it’s past my usual bedtime – but I wanted to get at least one post up before the end of the week! I started running again, and hope to get at least two more runs in before Monday to get back on track. I’ve been getting outside everyday, and networking with old and new friends. And I’ve been tackling my to do list – whether it’s introducing new friends, getting the word out about this blog, figuring out what I want my future/career to look like, and spending quality time with my son. All in all, I’m in a better place than I was earlier this year. Life is good. If I could figure out how to monetize living life, I could be on to something!
I’ll end with my 5 things I’m grateful for:
1. Thunderstorms – they have been pretty loud this week and it reminds me of the first time I told my husband I loved him (back when we were dating). It slipped out by accident (I was waiting for him to say it first), and then sleep set in. He called me out on it a few hours later – and also shared that he loved me too. Awww.
2. Catching up with old friends – I was lucky to reconnect with an old college friend this morning before he spoke at a conference. We are Linkedin and facebook friends, but this morning we were able to talk for more than an hour, no distractions, and just enjoyed hearing each other’s stories – what we’ve been up to since the mid-90s.
3. My son’s singing ability – he loves to burst into song randomly, and he’s at a point where we can actually understand the words he’s singing. He does a great version of “The More We Get Together”, “Take me Out to the Ball Game”, “Shabbat Shalom” and some of his Fisher-Price toys.
4. The microwave timer – helping to set expectations of a two year old is a lot easier when a timer is involved (e.g. I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, when the timer goes off, it’s dinner time.). I wonder how old he’ll be when he realizes what I’m doing.
5. An empty house – my husband was out of the house tonight for a few hours, and I was able to get a lot done online while he was gone. I love him, and missed him, but if he was here I would have plopped down on the couch and wasted the night away watching TV.
Perhaps my next post will be on the effects of procrastination, and how that is the best motivation to avoid procrastinating at all costs! What keeps you from doing the things on your to do list in the right order? When did you last have a conversation where you really connected with someone (a new friend, an old one, your signficant other)? What is your favorite relationship and why is it so special? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so we can start our own conversation (online!).
I was glad when our wedding planning was over and we were able to fully enjoy any wedding during our first year of marriage because we no longer had the pressure to evaluate the details of each wedding, we could truly relax and celebrate our friends’ love for each other.
Recently I attended a wedding that took the cake (I know, bad pun, but I had to!). The bride and groom had so much love for each other, you could feel it in the air and it set the tone for the wedding and the reception. Not only are they truly perfect for each other, but they also love every single person that was in attendance. It was incredible. As a guest, it was one of those weddings where all the guests and family interact with each other – not just the people they know. The parents were grinning ear to ear, the siblings so happy about the additional sibling coming into the family, and everyone was on the dance floor. The happy newlyweds exuded pure delight, love and appreciate for each other and everyone there, and it would have been too much except for the fact that it was genuine. Here’s one example that touched me, my husband and my parents (who were also at the wedding): the bride and groom wrote a personal message to every guest on the inside of their table seating card. I’m talking a good 3-5 (typed) lines of heartfelt, well thought out, personal memories, that truly connected the guest to the bride and/or groom (depending on who knew whom).
Amazing, isn’t it? A personal connection touched every guest at that wedding – even driving some of us to tears (happy ones, of course). This leads me to today’s topic: The lost art of human relationships.
Today’s world is so busy; to do lists, family demands, work pressures, home chores, errands to run, not to mention you’d like to get to the gym, have time to explore some kind of new knowledge, carve time out for girlfriends, and oh yeah, some alone time would be great! It becomes overwhelming, and we tend to look for shortcuts. How many of us stay in touch with friends over facebook? Do you actively look for their status updates? Do you post to someone’s wall on random days (not a birthday)? Do you send a personal email – or better yet – have you picked up the phone and spoken to them? Maybe, you have gone out and caught up in person?! Shocking, I know! If most people are careful what they post on social networks, how much do you really know about your friends?
What happened to having a conversation and being engaged and interested? My father and husband will whip out the iPhone at any chance, and it drives me nuts. I used to think it was a male thing, but I see plenty of women constantly checking as well. In fact, I saw 3 women playing catch (with plastic lacrosse-like scoops and a whiffle ball) and one woman would check her phone after she threw the ball. When you are out with friends, do you check your phone for texts, emails, tweets? Has this happened to you and you wonder, “Am I really that boring? Or is my friend insecure? Or is something else going on?”
We all know I’m far from perfect (remember, I’m a work in progress) – I can get distracted especially in coffee houses. Earlier this week I met a great woman who is seeking a better job; we were introduced over email from a mutual friend who thought we would get along well. He was right, we do – she’s smart, cool, good head on her shoulders, easy to talk to – it was as if we had known each other for awhile. I’m not sure why, but I was intrigued by two women at the next table who appeared to be having an interview. By the end of their conversation, I was wondering if one of the women was the surrogate for the other! I was lucky that the woman I met with is understanding, patient and was also a bit intrigued at the other scenario. Why couldn’t I block out the neighboring table? Human curiosity is my best guess. I can be nosy at times, and it’s fun to overhear snippets of conversations and guess the unspoken context.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have been fortunate enough to know what it feels like when both people are fully participating, engaged, and in the moment during a conversation. Today’s pressures tend to have us multi-tasking and unfocused on anything we are touching because our attention is divided before we even sit down to do something. Part of the reason I haven’t posted an entry since last week is we’ve had house guests since mid-May. I know writing a blog takes time and concentration, so I thought the two people who have so kindly chosen to follow me wouldn’t mind if I was a few days late in my posts.
The other part of the reason for my delay is procrastination. I know, I started out so motivated, and then plop. I can make excuses, provide rationale, but I’ll just admit that it was procrastination, and instead of writing this entry earlier in the week, I was able to get a ton of other things done. A bit selfish of me…of course, I have no idea who is actually reading this because I haven’t received any comments yet (please, someone post a comment so I know you are out there!).
As for my procrastination project, let’s just say it’s past my usual bedtime – but I wanted to get at least one post up before the end of the week! I started running again, and hope to get at least two more runs in before Monday to get back on track. I’ve been getting outside everyday, and networking with old and new friends. And I’ve been tackling my to do list – whether it’s introducing new friends, getting the word out about this blog, figuring out what I want my future/career to look like, and spending quality time with my son. All in all, I’m in a better place than I was earlier this year. Life is good. If I could figure out how to monetize living life, I could be on to something!
I’ll end with my 5 things I’m grateful for:
1. Thunderstorms – they have been pretty loud this week and it reminds me of the first time I told my husband I loved him (back when we were dating). It slipped out by accident (I was waiting for him to say it first), and then sleep set in. He called me out on it a few hours later – and also shared that he loved me too. Awww.
2. Catching up with old friends – I was lucky to reconnect with an old college friend this morning before he spoke at a conference. We are Linkedin and facebook friends, but this morning we were able to talk for more than an hour, no distractions, and just enjoyed hearing each other’s stories – what we’ve been up to since the mid-90s.
3. My son’s singing ability – he loves to burst into song randomly, and he’s at a point where we can actually understand the words he’s singing. He does a great version of “The More We Get Together”, “Take me Out to the Ball Game”, “Shabbat Shalom” and some of his Fisher-Price toys.
4. The microwave timer – helping to set expectations of a two year old is a lot easier when a timer is involved (e.g. I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, when the timer goes off, it’s dinner time.). I wonder how old he’ll be when he realizes what I’m doing.
5. An empty house – my husband was out of the house tonight for a few hours, and I was able to get a lot done online while he was gone. I love him, and missed him, but if he was here I would have plopped down on the couch and wasted the night away watching TV.
Perhaps my next post will be on the effects of procrastination, and how that is the best motivation to avoid procrastinating at all costs! What keeps you from doing the things on your to do list in the right order? When did you last have a conversation where you really connected with someone (a new friend, an old one, your signficant other)? What is your favorite relationship and why is it so special? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so we can start our own conversation (online!).
Friday, May 28, 2010
Envisioning Positive Goals
I am fortunate to be a part of a women's business book club, that just so happens to include some incredible women. We meet monthly, and I look forward to attending each month because I learn so much from the group, as well as the guest speakers. Today's guest speaker, Ellen Rogin, was absolutely amazing.
Ellen is a phenomenal woman who works in the banking industry, wrote a book called The Women's Guide to Prosperity, has a family, gives back to the community, is a public speaker/motivator, and is one of those women that you just want to pick her brain. Ellen spoke to us about looking, seeing, and focusing on the positive things in our lives, and understanding the importance of measuring success through personal happiness.
I hope that I am capturing a fair amount of her wisdom and eloquence - if you want to read more, check out her site: http://www.ellenrogin.com/ and http://www.begreatwithmoney.com/. She did not ask me to write anything, I was so moved by her session this morning that I thought I'd share it with you.
Some the key takeaways:
Ellen is a phenomenal woman who works in the banking industry, wrote a book called The Women's Guide to Prosperity, has a family, gives back to the community, is a public speaker/motivator, and is one of those women that you just want to pick her brain. Ellen spoke to us about looking, seeing, and focusing on the positive things in our lives, and understanding the importance of measuring success through personal happiness.
I hope that I am capturing a fair amount of her wisdom and eloquence - if you want to read more, check out her site: http://www.ellenrogin.com/ and http://www.begreatwithmoney.com/. She did not ask me to write anything, I was so moved by her session this morning that I thought I'd share it with you.
Some the key takeaways:
- Focus on what you want to achieve/accomplish
- Ask yourself what's the new opportunity?
- Get rid of negative thinking - when you catch yourself saying/thinking something negative say "Cancel. Clear." So you cancel the thought, clear your mind, and get back on the positive mindset. (my husband is particularly excited about this one as I have had a few snappy moments with him - which is unfair to him).
- Clear the clutter - physical clutter and mental clutter. Did something happen in the past that is still bringing you down - we all have something (or many things) - it's time to let it go.
- Be flexible. Are you in a rut? Try new things - eat different foods at breakfast, take a different route to work/park/school, etc.
- Measure your success in Gross Personal Happiness. Once you have your basic needs covered (food, shelter, clothing), additional money does not bring additional happiness like you may think it does.
- Visualize what you want. Athletes do it. THINK about what you want, then SEE it in your mind. Imagine how you'll FEEL when it comes true, and TALK about your dream as if it's already true.
Ellen took us through a visualization exercise of what we wanted our life to look like in 6 months. I envisioned walking down a sunny street with my husband, and my son, and we were all smiling, laughing, holding hands. It was a beautiful day where the sunshine was hitting our faces, and a nice cooling breeze. I was relaxed, happy, healthy (and physically fit) and there was a sense of freedom, and lightness around me. We were all truly in the moment, enjoying every second of it.
I was able to feel that way because in 6 months, my clutter will be gone, and I won't have a to do list hanging over my head - allowing me to enjoy special time with my family. It's as if this clutter is a huge weight on my shoulders, and it's prohibiting me from moving or seeing the next opportunity. Okay, I agree, that last statement is a bit melodramatic, but it is something that is weighing on me, and this is the time to take care of it once and for all.
The last thing Ellen mentioned was a daily dose of gratitude. Every day, share with someone 5 things you are grateful for - and this is something your kids can do as well. I'll end this post with my 5 for today (in no particular order):
- Women who Flourish Business book club - this group continues to impress me with amazing women, incredible energy, insightful discussions, and has already proven to be a huge part of my personal growth.
- My husband - who I may tease and nit-pick, but when push comes to shove, he is there for me, supportive, and loving. As a team we really do make the best of some really tough situations.
- My son - who the other day while singing The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round corrected me when I sang "The parents on the bus go shhh, shhh, shhh" he said "No Mommy. The parents on the bus go I love you." He continues to amaze me with his cuteness.
- My friends - who have been there for me through many highs and lows. They call me out on stuff, they listen to me, help me figure things out, and make me laugh when I sometimes forget why it's so important.
- My health - I am lucky to be healthy, and my body is doing well for a 30 something. In fact, I've enjoyed many power walks with friends, long rollerblades by the lake, and maybe, just maybe, I'll start running again. I'll continue to eat healthier foods (less processed, more whole grains, fruits and vegetables) and no matter what, I will never deny myself chocolate!
- (Bonus gratitude point) The men and women who protect this country and help others who aren't strong enough to protect themselves. My intention is not to justify the war, but rather to show support for our troops that give so much of themselves. I hope they can all come home safely soon.
I now understand why so many people blog, it's very therapeutic! Let me hear from you - what are you grateful for? What does your vision of happiness look like?
I hope you all have a fabulous holiday weekend.
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