Birthday Indulgences

So who cheated in the past week? I'm talking about fattening foods, excessive eating, mindless eating, barely a vegetable in sight. It's okay - millions of people ate abnormally while watching the Super Bowl. I know I did, but for me, it was different - it was my birthday - and I barely watched the game (though I did catch the last 2 minutes and overtime - and you know how exciting that was!).

I started my birthday celebration on Friday with a fairly sensible meal followed by a piece of French Silk pie - a good 500-600 calories per slice, serious pie! I also had 2 glasses of wine. I went to bed full but not stuffed. The problem became apparent on Saturday when I had another slice of birthday pie as my afternoon snack. We had dinner at a friend's house and they made a baked Alaska out of brownie cupcakes, ice cream, and torched marshmallow fluff. It was delicious but very filling. I had overdone it.

By the time my actual birthday came on Sunday, I was still committed to celebrating with food. I had another slice of birthday pie after lunch, a truffle from a local chocolate shop as a mid-afternoon treat, because, hey, it's my birthday and I was out enjoying some much needed retail therapy. But I didn't stop there, I had to indulge in dessert after dinner at a wonderful restaurant, and while I didn't like the chocolate cake I ordered, I switched with my husband because his chocolate pudding s'mores concoction was hitting the spot. Even though I was full, and it was a large portion, I got it in my head that I needed to finish it. I'm not proud of my choices, but I'm being honest.

If I hide my poor choices, I can't be held accountable. I can't make changes in my life and my health, if I'm not honest.

So here I am, being honest. I will spare you the video of me working out this morning. I had fun and sweat like crazy doing the first CIZE video - crazy eights. I always thought I was a good dancer, not on a professional level, but I can hold my own on any dance floor. Then I saw myself and had a good laugh at my arms flailing all over the place. My husband had a good laugh too. I realized I'm not crazy enough to post the videos yet, and I do owe some people an apology for making fun of them doing the same video. Trust me, they looked a lot better than I did doing the dance moves!

So after several days of special treats, and feeling bloated from extra salt and whatever else I don't normally eat, I'm finally beginning to feel normal again. I need to get my chocolate habit back in check (I went without chocolate during the entire month of January - and that's a big thing for me!). I enjoy eating meals that follow the 21 Day Fix containers. But most of all, I enjoy watching my body transform. When I follow the meal plan, have my daily Shakeology, drink a ton of water, and exercise every morning, I see the results within weeks. I like how that makes me feel.

I am a work in progress, and while there have been a lot of challenges over the past years that haven't always brought out my best sides (a post for another time), I am learning, and growing, and I'm committed to making better choices, At the end of the day, my family and all of our health are the most important things to me. That's why I became an Independent Team Beachbody Coach. Health and family are important to me because when I make time for family and health, I see a positive difference in our lives. I want to bring that difference to other people. If I can help others find that balance, and achieve their goals, I will know that I'm doing my part to make the world a better place. I hope you can hear my sincerity and desire to help others. So leave a comment below, or send me an email and share what you want to accomplish. I give you my word that I will be there for you, through this journey, to improve your health and your family life. We will celebrate (without cheat foods) our achievements and be amazed at what we can do when we put our minds to it.

"I never thought my life would be like this"

Last week, we visited my husband's family in New Jersey, and stayed with his 90-year-old grandmother. She spoke those words to me a few times, as she shook her head and looked down in sadness. Her husband is in a convalescent home, and she can't hear anything unless we shout something to her (she refuses to get new hearing aids). It's sad, and then I thought, well, we all make choices in our life and we have to understand that there are consequences, some good, some bad. What really saddens me is she couldn't hear little C say "Good morning Great Nana!" or anything else he said to her. I'm not sure why she is so stubborn and set in her ways (I'm guessing it's a mix of her generation as well as her age), but she is not happy. She says she doesn't want to continue living like this, but yet she won't make any changes.

Benjamin Franklin is credited with this quote about insanity, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result."

I think that sums up her situation perfectly. I also thought about my life, and how I had no idea it would be like this. I've said time and again, I'm lucky because if I keep perspective, I realize that we (my loved ones) are in good health and only have to deal with minor illnesses. I have a friend that is battling cancer several times (and he's younger than 40), I know many friends who are in the process of understanding their autistic children, I have friends who have parents that are battling cancer, or worse, have lost their parents for many years now. This perspective helps keep me grounded, and reminds me that my situation may be challenging, but it's not life threatening.

At the end of my life, which I hope is a long time from now, I want to look back and think about all the wonderful people I've had a chance to love, engage, teach, play, laugh, and explore places. My husband is a great man who has incredible patience, a love for social interaction, pop culture, and family. He has his qualities that could use a little work as well (we all do!), but he reminds me that as a team, we are much stronger and we can get through some very tough situations. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember that, but I've been working hard on improving myself for me, for him, for our family - and it's starting to pay off. On our road trip back to Chicago, we passed by an SUV that had a propeller on the tail gate hitch. I looked at him and said something like "He must be a boat enthusiast" which I quickly followed with "Wow - I'm such a marketing nerd!" and we both laughed. I had a few other comments which had us both cracking up, and I realized it had been a long time since I made him laugh. It felt so good to be able to get a real laugh out of him, and I hope that I'll continue to crack him up daily!

Change is a funny thing. People often say they embrace it, but when push comes to shove, change makes people uncomfortable. People like routines, knowing what to expect, and often get comfortable in their lives. This economy has shaken us all, and even if you are lucky enough to have your job, you know someone, probably many, who have been affected. Here's the tricky part, most people are not going to share how much they have been affected - some may hide their struggles, some may show a happy face, but no matter how people deal with their new reality, there are internal struggles happening daily. Maybe it's at the grocery store, where you are no longer buying organic items or special treats. Maybe you haven't bought a new pair of shoes in a long time, because your old shoes will get you through another season. Maybe the little luxuries, such as mani/pedis, are much less frequent. Whatever is changing for you, the real question is, what have you learned from this economic climate, and what are you doing to change your situation? I'm talking about long-term strategic fixes, not band-aid solutions. Yes, you need the short-term plan as you need to keep the roof over your head, but you also need to paint the picture of what you want your life to look like.

That's not an easy thing to do, but it's critical for you and your significant other to discuss and get on the same page now. I know that if I am lucky enough to be 90, I don't want my husband in a home when I'm still healthy enough to live alone (with some assistance). If I'm growing old with him, we're doing it under the same roof. Maybe I'll be sick of him by then, but I can't imagine spending 50+ years together and then being apart, only to see each other a few hours a week. No thank you - not for me. I vowed to share my life with him, and that's what we'll do - no matter what it takes.

Easier said then done, but really, if we paint the picture of what we want to achieve, all we need to do is figure out the many steps it takes to get there, and then do it. Every time you get pushed down, you just have to get up and try again - but this time, try something new.

I think it's time for my daily gratitudes:
1. My health. Even though I'm not in the best shape of my life (once upon a time I ran a marathon), I'm healthy. Remember those goals of working out? Now is the time for me to act!
2. My ability to realize that every day is a chance for a fresh start. This has come in very handy during the tough times.
3. My husband's odd jobs. I don't know what we'd do if he didn't take all these random promotion jobs the past few months. He's been working hard and often long or odd hours. He's napping now because he got up at 5:15 am.
4. Little C's language development. He is a non-stop chatter box with full sentences, stringing logic together, and an ever expanding vocabulary. It is so much easier to deal with an irrational toddler when they can tell you what is upsetting them by using words.
5. September. I am glad that the summer is winding down. It was fun, and we had many great adventures, but it's time to get back to work! I just hope the winter isn't brutal this year!

What do you want your life to look like? What are you doing about it?
What makes you insane and are you going to do something to change the outcome?

Conversations that don’t involve “ROAR!”

I’ve found one of the most challenging things as a mom of a toddler is to carry a normal adult conversation while my little monster is in the room. Ever since I dropped him off at daycare at the young age of 3 months, he has always wanted to share what is on his mind. I vividly remember picking him up that first day of daycare more than 2 years ago, and he chatted my ear off the entire 20 minute car ride home. Of course I had no idea what he was saying, but I knew he had strong opinions that he needed to share. Today, he is quite verbal; my husband and I are amazed at his vocabulary, his ability to form sentences (and I do mean full sentences), and even now he’s getting more familiar with the correct pronouns. While his conversations may be repetitive, he is nonetheless determined to have me hear what he has to say, and that means now!

We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.

We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.

To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about

This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.

I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:

1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.

2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).

3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.

4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!

5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.

For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!

Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!

Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!