A friend of mine posted a video link called "My 120 pound Journey" on her facebook status the other day with the following message: Ah- this is so great.... to all my fellow runners out there.
Take a look and be ready to be inspired.
**Watch the video now or consider this a spoiler alert!
Pretty amazing, isn't it?! It turns out that Ben, the runner featured in the video, is young, just out of college, and was able to prove what our parents told us "You can do anything if you set your mind to it." He lost 120 pounds, gained confidence, happiness, health, and a relationship. Not to mention his supportive family was at his side through races, marathon, ironman, training, etc.
I started running on a regular basis in the summer of 2002. I was in Hawaii, and had the luxury of running near the ocean, looking out at Diamond Head, Waikiki, and surfers. Weather was mild, and 3 miles, almost daily, passed quickly as I chatted with a friend and we laughed the whole time.
When I went back to business school in Ann Arbor, MI that fall, I had good intentions of sticking with my running, but life happened. Projects, papers, job search, classes, partying - I mean networking -all became priorities. When the snow thawed and school came to a close, I was back outside, running, rollerblading, and increasing my pace (muscle toning and lung capacity). I was very active the summer of 2003, and when I finally moved to Chicago, a friend of mine from business school became my running partner. She was a great partner, very motivational, and would plant these seeds in my head:
"Maybe you'll run a marathon one day." - to which I replied "You're crazy!"
"Let's run 10 more minutes."
"Maybe we should sign up for a 10k."
She did get me to do a 5k, then an 8k, then a 10k, and one day, before I knew it, I signed up for a half marathon. 13.1 miles. I figured if I trained properly and felt good after running it, then I would see if I wanted to sign up for the full marathon.
On June 6, 2004, I ran the St. Charles, IL half marathon. I finished in 2:10:32 (hours:min:sec for you non-racers). There were hills, trails, beautiful quiet neighborhoods, and I felt great! I loved it - talk about a runner's high!
I did have trouble walking up stairs for about 2 days, but then I felt great, so I signed up for the Chicago marathon in October. I trained again, with CARA (Chicago Area Runners Association) and trained for months. I got to the half way point (13 mile run), and found out I needed some emergency surgery (non-running related). The good news was my body was in great shape for major surgery, and I was able to recover fairly quickly. The bad news was I would have to wait to run the marathon.
If I remember correctly, I continued to run the shorter, neighborhood races like the Ravenswood Run, Turkey Trot, Rudolph Ramble and Nike's Run Hit Wonder. It's a fun way to see Chicago, meet people, support local causes, and of course, keep a goal top of mind.
In 2005, I did the marathon training with CARA again. It was a fantastic program, and I still have friends from my running path days. People usually like to run with me, as I'm a chatter. I see a run as an opportunity to get to know someone, catch up with a friend, share my dating life, anything to help the time pass! We had a saying "What happens on the path, stays on the path." Most runners that I've encountered appreciate the entertainment I provide, and love to listen. I should explain that I never considered myself a hard core runner.
When I think of a hard core runner, I think of ripped abs, small body frame, long, lean legs, the kind of runner that zips by you and makes it look effortless. My pace was 9:30 or 10:00 for training runs (slower for long races), and my body looks nothing like a runner.
My friends called me a runner before I did. One day, probably when we were close to 18 miles in our training runs, I finally admitted I was a runner when I heard myself say "It's just 9 miles today." I didn't say it with any sarcasm, just factual and excited that I didn't have to be out running for 2 hours or longer!
The training was perfect timing for me, as my then boyfriend, now husband, had just moved to Miami, FL for a job. He was training by himself down there (it was his first marathon too), and I had the support of a training group in Chicago. I think marathon training helped me curb the stress of a long-distance relationship, and focus on completing the marathon instead of thinking about my move down there (I moved a week after the marathon).
Training went well, I did most of my long runs, and sometimes I did them with my husband in Miami. I remember we did our 10 miler on a treadmill because it was just too hot and humid to do it outside. I noticed the weight dripping off of me when I hit 16 and 18 miles. My pants were hanging longer as I lost weight in my waist and tush. I was eating healthy, training at least 3 times a week, stretching, and just enjoying the whole experience.
Race day came, October 2005, and I was nervous. I kept telling myself it's just a training run, but we had never done more than 20 miles. The marathon is 26.2 miles - but I knew mind over matter, and that I could do it. The weather was perfect, and the first 13 miles were a breeze. I felt something in my hip, but was able to run another 5 miles without any real issue. I think the road pavement affected my hip; normally we trained on a running path (sometimes dirt path) which is softer than road pavement.
After 18 miles, I was feeling the pain, but I continued. A friend joined me the last 5 miles or so. I had run the last 5 miles with her the previous year. She called me her running angel, and she wanted to return the favor. I was so thankful that she was there. I was spent, totally zoned out, looking for cheers from the crowd to help motivate me. I was pretty much walking at this point, although it felt like my feet were running. I was trying to listen to what my friend was saying as a distraction. It was the hardest 5 miles I've ever run in my life.
But I did it. I finished the Chicago marathon in 4:47:15. I was thrilled! Still have the medal to prove it.
After completing the marathon, I moved to Miami and continued to run about once or twice a month for about 6 months. I was burnt out and eventually stopped running. My body started to show that I stopped running. I never gained a lot of weight, but I've fluctuated 10-20 pounds over the years.
A co-worker of mine got me to sign up for the Chicago Rock and Roll Half Marathon last year. I got serious about training one month before, and was lucky that I didn't injure myself. I actually had a great run, 2:22:33 - which would have been a few seconds shorter if I didn't stop to plant a big ole smooch on my husband who came out to cheer me on near the finish line! It was a beautiful day, perfect blue skies, and I had a great music mix on my ipod that had me pumped! I felt that I was again, a runner.
Once again, work hours got in the way of running, and I was lucky if I got a run or two in each month.
So here I am, more than a year later. I've been trying to start running again since the Spring, and without much success. I'm frustrated because I've had the time over the summer to get back into running - but my heart wasn't in it. I would notice my clothes were tighter, but I didn't want to admit that I was gaining weight. I've been watching Thintervention with Jackie Warner on Bravo, and eating ice cream. Terrible, I know!
And then I saw the video "My 120 pound journey" and I got inspired. I only have 15 pounds to lose. That's nothing compared to what Ben has done. It was time to just do it - stop making excuses, and just get out there and do the tough work, no matter how long it takes. Yesterday I did 4 miles in 1 hour 20 minutes. Today I did 4 miles in an hour. I realized talk radio is not good for me to run to - I need a good fast beat. Tomorrow I have plans to walk with a friend, so I may not go for a run in the morning. I'm going to take each day one at a time.
I am sick of working hard, seeing results, and then getting lazy. It's not worth it. So this is the final time that I'm going to work really hard, and then I'll figure out a maintenance mode because I know I'll need to keep exercising, and I'm committed to it. This is my health, my energy, my well-being, and my body. I need to take care of it now, so that I have a long, healthy life ahead of me for many years to come. I am the only one that can make that change, and I know my family and friends will support me in my own journey.
Maybe one day I'll have ripped abs and breeze past you on the running path - making it look so easy!
Tell me what works for you. How do you stay motivated to work out? What inspires you to keep your body healthy? What has worked for you in the past? Are there any aspiring marathoners out there?
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Summer Daze
When I was a senior in high school, my friends made up a shirt that we wore with pride "Senior Slump: No Brains On Board" and it was true. As soon as I received my early acceptance into college, I was pretty checked out. Of course I didn't let my grades slip horribly, but I didn't sign up for my last semester of French (after 5.5 years) because the idea of taking a 3-hr AP test in a foreign language just did not sound like a lot of fun.
So here I am some not quite 20 years later, and I just had a summer slump for the past month. If you read my blog you know that I set up some lofty goals - all well intended of course! My thought process is, if I put pen to paper and share it with you, that will ensure the commitment. Ha! Let's see how well I'm doing:
Exercise - I've made excuses, either too hot/humid, or it's raining, or I'm too tired - well, the facts are in, and I've gained weight - so it's time for me to hold myself accountable and get to the gym on the days where the weather isn't perfect. My husband and I are also considering workouts seen on infomercials, such as P90X or Insanity workout by Beachbody. Have you had any success with any of these programs? It's all about working out in a way that surprises your muscles, using your body as the weight. It's not a gimmic - it would be hard work - and my favorite part of the infomercial that makes me laugh is a pool of sweat on the floor from doing the Insanity workout.
Reading - I did finish the book, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen and I am becoming more conscious of my complaints, and trying to get through the 21 consecutive days. It is one of the toughest things I've attempted - and I know it will be life changing. I'll let you know when I'm there. Apparently, it takes most people 6-8 months to achieve that goal. Want to join with me?
New recipes - after finishing my recipe book (several inches thick), I have tried several new recipes - and most of them have been outstanding. I am looking forward to menu planning and incorporating new recipes each week - it's helps to spice things up (pun intended)!
5 things I'm grateful for - I seem to only do this when I'm writing the blog - so either I need to start blogging daily, or incorporate this into dinner conversation. This does go nicely with the complaint-free challenge.
Job search - I am looking for full-time work, and shifting gears away from the agency world. This last month has been great in terms of finding opportunities that really interest me. The interviews have started, and we'll see what pans out over the next month or two. Whatever happens, I feel good about my actions and that's what is most important.
Clutter - my husband and I are making progress. We have been going through our closets and some of our to dos - and we both feel good when we finish a project. Next Monday, we are cleaning our office all day - and getting organized so that we can have some good ch'i (energy in terms of Feng Shui) and be open and ready for many good things to come our way. I am very excited and look forward to a clean, organized space where we will be more efficient.
Blogging - of course, how could I not talk about this? I think it's funny my last entry was about taking a break, and then I didn't post for a month! Maybe I needed a bigger break that I realized. What I do know is this summer has provided me the opportunity to take things easy, work on some personal things, enjoy time with my family, spend time with family and friends who are visiting, and I've had time to think. It's not easy being a working mom, and it's not easy being a mom who's looking for work - and for me, it's because personal time is one of the most precious luxuries. I think many people (not just moms) will find personal time is limited - and if you don't have personal time, how do you have time to think about things? I would say the best thing about this summer has been the flexibility of my time, and the fact that I don't feel I have to fill every hour of every day with some type of activity.
So I leave you with another hodgepodge of thoughts about life - dazed and okay with it.
Daily Gratitudes:
1. Finishing a book - and a book that I wanted to read on my own selection. I think the last time I read a book on my own accord was during my pregnancy (so about 3 years ago).
2. Watching family with little C - my husband's brother is in town and it was a lot of fun to watch him win over little C with a hand puppet (a rabbit that can pop out of a hat).
3. Little C sleeping in until 8:05 am today (he's normally up around 6:30 am). For anyone with kids, you understand.
4. Leftovers - the flavors meld and intensify, and all you have to do is reheat.
5. Discover Card bonus rewards - I've had my Discover card since I was in college - and I love that I can get gift cards with my cash back bonus, without paying an annual fee. My favorites seem to be: Spafinder, DSW shoes, and Gap. most of the time I'll get a giftcard for $50, for only $40 of my rewards - 20% bonus, on top of something already free! Love it!
What are your summer days like? What is your favorite activity you've made time for? How are your resolutions going? I want to hear from you!
So here I am some not quite 20 years later, and I just had a summer slump for the past month. If you read my blog you know that I set up some lofty goals - all well intended of course! My thought process is, if I put pen to paper and share it with you, that will ensure the commitment. Ha! Let's see how well I'm doing:
Exercise - I've made excuses, either too hot/humid, or it's raining, or I'm too tired - well, the facts are in, and I've gained weight - so it's time for me to hold myself accountable and get to the gym on the days where the weather isn't perfect. My husband and I are also considering workouts seen on infomercials, such as P90X or Insanity workout by Beachbody. Have you had any success with any of these programs? It's all about working out in a way that surprises your muscles, using your body as the weight. It's not a gimmic - it would be hard work - and my favorite part of the infomercial that makes me laugh is a pool of sweat on the floor from doing the Insanity workout.
Reading - I did finish the book, A Complaint Free World by Will Bowen and I am becoming more conscious of my complaints, and trying to get through the 21 consecutive days. It is one of the toughest things I've attempted - and I know it will be life changing. I'll let you know when I'm there. Apparently, it takes most people 6-8 months to achieve that goal. Want to join with me?
New recipes - after finishing my recipe book (several inches thick), I have tried several new recipes - and most of them have been outstanding. I am looking forward to menu planning and incorporating new recipes each week - it's helps to spice things up (pun intended)!
5 things I'm grateful for - I seem to only do this when I'm writing the blog - so either I need to start blogging daily, or incorporate this into dinner conversation. This does go nicely with the complaint-free challenge.
Job search - I am looking for full-time work, and shifting gears away from the agency world. This last month has been great in terms of finding opportunities that really interest me. The interviews have started, and we'll see what pans out over the next month or two. Whatever happens, I feel good about my actions and that's what is most important.
Clutter - my husband and I are making progress. We have been going through our closets and some of our to dos - and we both feel good when we finish a project. Next Monday, we are cleaning our office all day - and getting organized so that we can have some good ch'i (energy in terms of Feng Shui) and be open and ready for many good things to come our way. I am very excited and look forward to a clean, organized space where we will be more efficient.
Blogging - of course, how could I not talk about this? I think it's funny my last entry was about taking a break, and then I didn't post for a month! Maybe I needed a bigger break that I realized. What I do know is this summer has provided me the opportunity to take things easy, work on some personal things, enjoy time with my family, spend time with family and friends who are visiting, and I've had time to think. It's not easy being a working mom, and it's not easy being a mom who's looking for work - and for me, it's because personal time is one of the most precious luxuries. I think many people (not just moms) will find personal time is limited - and if you don't have personal time, how do you have time to think about things? I would say the best thing about this summer has been the flexibility of my time, and the fact that I don't feel I have to fill every hour of every day with some type of activity.
So I leave you with another hodgepodge of thoughts about life - dazed and okay with it.
Daily Gratitudes:
1. Finishing a book - and a book that I wanted to read on my own selection. I think the last time I read a book on my own accord was during my pregnancy (so about 3 years ago).
2. Watching family with little C - my husband's brother is in town and it was a lot of fun to watch him win over little C with a hand puppet (a rabbit that can pop out of a hat).
3. Little C sleeping in until 8:05 am today (he's normally up around 6:30 am). For anyone with kids, you understand.
4. Leftovers - the flavors meld and intensify, and all you have to do is reheat.
5. Discover Card bonus rewards - I've had my Discover card since I was in college - and I love that I can get gift cards with my cash back bonus, without paying an annual fee. My favorites seem to be: Spafinder, DSW shoes, and Gap. most of the time I'll get a giftcard for $50, for only $40 of my rewards - 20% bonus, on top of something already free! Love it!
What are your summer days like? What is your favorite activity you've made time for? How are your resolutions going? I want to hear from you!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Conversations that don’t involve “ROAR!”
I’ve found one of the most challenging things as a mom of a toddler is to carry a normal adult conversation while my little monster is in the room. Ever since I dropped him off at daycare at the young age of 3 months, he has always wanted to share what is on his mind. I vividly remember picking him up that first day of daycare more than 2 years ago, and he chatted my ear off the entire 20 minute car ride home. Of course I had no idea what he was saying, but I knew he had strong opinions that he needed to share. Today, he is quite verbal; my husband and I are amazed at his vocabulary, his ability to form sentences (and I do mean full sentences), and even now he’s getting more familiar with the correct pronouns. While his conversations may be repetitive, he is nonetheless determined to have me hear what he has to say, and that means now!
We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.
We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.
To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about
This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.
I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:
1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.
2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).
3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.
4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!
5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.
For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!
Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!
Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!
We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.
We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.
To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about
This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.
I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:
1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.
2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).
3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.
4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!
5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.
For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!
Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!
Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Lost Art of Relationships and Conversation
I have been to at least 40 weddings in my life – at one point (in my 20s), I was attending about 7 weddings a year, and now, thankfully, it’s closer to 1 or 2 a year. I will say that during my engagement, weddings became somewhat of a sport where I would analyze what I liked and didn’t like (or what didn’t work) at the weddings we attended. I learned from each one and we borrowed many of our ideas from the numerous weddings we’ve been to over the years. I loved our wedding, it was a blast and reflected who we are as a couple. I learned a special hula and surprised my husband during the reception; he was blown away and loved every second of it.
I was glad when our wedding planning was over and we were able to fully enjoy any wedding during our first year of marriage because we no longer had the pressure to evaluate the details of each wedding, we could truly relax and celebrate our friends’ love for each other.
Recently I attended a wedding that took the cake (I know, bad pun, but I had to!). The bride and groom had so much love for each other, you could feel it in the air and it set the tone for the wedding and the reception. Not only are they truly perfect for each other, but they also love every single person that was in attendance. It was incredible. As a guest, it was one of those weddings where all the guests and family interact with each other – not just the people they know. The parents were grinning ear to ear, the siblings so happy about the additional sibling coming into the family, and everyone was on the dance floor. The happy newlyweds exuded pure delight, love and appreciate for each other and everyone there, and it would have been too much except for the fact that it was genuine. Here’s one example that touched me, my husband and my parents (who were also at the wedding): the bride and groom wrote a personal message to every guest on the inside of their table seating card. I’m talking a good 3-5 (typed) lines of heartfelt, well thought out, personal memories, that truly connected the guest to the bride and/or groom (depending on who knew whom).
Amazing, isn’t it? A personal connection touched every guest at that wedding – even driving some of us to tears (happy ones, of course). This leads me to today’s topic: The lost art of human relationships.
Today’s world is so busy; to do lists, family demands, work pressures, home chores, errands to run, not to mention you’d like to get to the gym, have time to explore some kind of new knowledge, carve time out for girlfriends, and oh yeah, some alone time would be great! It becomes overwhelming, and we tend to look for shortcuts. How many of us stay in touch with friends over facebook? Do you actively look for their status updates? Do you post to someone’s wall on random days (not a birthday)? Do you send a personal email – or better yet – have you picked up the phone and spoken to them? Maybe, you have gone out and caught up in person?! Shocking, I know! If most people are careful what they post on social networks, how much do you really know about your friends?
What happened to having a conversation and being engaged and interested? My father and husband will whip out the iPhone at any chance, and it drives me nuts. I used to think it was a male thing, but I see plenty of women constantly checking as well. In fact, I saw 3 women playing catch (with plastic lacrosse-like scoops and a whiffle ball) and one woman would check her phone after she threw the ball. When you are out with friends, do you check your phone for texts, emails, tweets? Has this happened to you and you wonder, “Am I really that boring? Or is my friend insecure? Or is something else going on?”
We all know I’m far from perfect (remember, I’m a work in progress) – I can get distracted especially in coffee houses. Earlier this week I met a great woman who is seeking a better job; we were introduced over email from a mutual friend who thought we would get along well. He was right, we do – she’s smart, cool, good head on her shoulders, easy to talk to – it was as if we had known each other for awhile. I’m not sure why, but I was intrigued by two women at the next table who appeared to be having an interview. By the end of their conversation, I was wondering if one of the women was the surrogate for the other! I was lucky that the woman I met with is understanding, patient and was also a bit intrigued at the other scenario. Why couldn’t I block out the neighboring table? Human curiosity is my best guess. I can be nosy at times, and it’s fun to overhear snippets of conversations and guess the unspoken context.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have been fortunate enough to know what it feels like when both people are fully participating, engaged, and in the moment during a conversation. Today’s pressures tend to have us multi-tasking and unfocused on anything we are touching because our attention is divided before we even sit down to do something. Part of the reason I haven’t posted an entry since last week is we’ve had house guests since mid-May. I know writing a blog takes time and concentration, so I thought the two people who have so kindly chosen to follow me wouldn’t mind if I was a few days late in my posts.
The other part of the reason for my delay is procrastination. I know, I started out so motivated, and then plop. I can make excuses, provide rationale, but I’ll just admit that it was procrastination, and instead of writing this entry earlier in the week, I was able to get a ton of other things done. A bit selfish of me…of course, I have no idea who is actually reading this because I haven’t received any comments yet (please, someone post a comment so I know you are out there!).
As for my procrastination project, let’s just say it’s past my usual bedtime – but I wanted to get at least one post up before the end of the week! I started running again, and hope to get at least two more runs in before Monday to get back on track. I’ve been getting outside everyday, and networking with old and new friends. And I’ve been tackling my to do list – whether it’s introducing new friends, getting the word out about this blog, figuring out what I want my future/career to look like, and spending quality time with my son. All in all, I’m in a better place than I was earlier this year. Life is good. If I could figure out how to monetize living life, I could be on to something!
I’ll end with my 5 things I’m grateful for:
1. Thunderstorms – they have been pretty loud this week and it reminds me of the first time I told my husband I loved him (back when we were dating). It slipped out by accident (I was waiting for him to say it first), and then sleep set in. He called me out on it a few hours later – and also shared that he loved me too. Awww.
2. Catching up with old friends – I was lucky to reconnect with an old college friend this morning before he spoke at a conference. We are Linkedin and facebook friends, but this morning we were able to talk for more than an hour, no distractions, and just enjoyed hearing each other’s stories – what we’ve been up to since the mid-90s.
3. My son’s singing ability – he loves to burst into song randomly, and he’s at a point where we can actually understand the words he’s singing. He does a great version of “The More We Get Together”, “Take me Out to the Ball Game”, “Shabbat Shalom” and some of his Fisher-Price toys.
4. The microwave timer – helping to set expectations of a two year old is a lot easier when a timer is involved (e.g. I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, when the timer goes off, it’s dinner time.). I wonder how old he’ll be when he realizes what I’m doing.
5. An empty house – my husband was out of the house tonight for a few hours, and I was able to get a lot done online while he was gone. I love him, and missed him, but if he was here I would have plopped down on the couch and wasted the night away watching TV.
Perhaps my next post will be on the effects of procrastination, and how that is the best motivation to avoid procrastinating at all costs! What keeps you from doing the things on your to do list in the right order? When did you last have a conversation where you really connected with someone (a new friend, an old one, your signficant other)? What is your favorite relationship and why is it so special? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so we can start our own conversation (online!).
I was glad when our wedding planning was over and we were able to fully enjoy any wedding during our first year of marriage because we no longer had the pressure to evaluate the details of each wedding, we could truly relax and celebrate our friends’ love for each other.
Recently I attended a wedding that took the cake (I know, bad pun, but I had to!). The bride and groom had so much love for each other, you could feel it in the air and it set the tone for the wedding and the reception. Not only are they truly perfect for each other, but they also love every single person that was in attendance. It was incredible. As a guest, it was one of those weddings where all the guests and family interact with each other – not just the people they know. The parents were grinning ear to ear, the siblings so happy about the additional sibling coming into the family, and everyone was on the dance floor. The happy newlyweds exuded pure delight, love and appreciate for each other and everyone there, and it would have been too much except for the fact that it was genuine. Here’s one example that touched me, my husband and my parents (who were also at the wedding): the bride and groom wrote a personal message to every guest on the inside of their table seating card. I’m talking a good 3-5 (typed) lines of heartfelt, well thought out, personal memories, that truly connected the guest to the bride and/or groom (depending on who knew whom).
Amazing, isn’t it? A personal connection touched every guest at that wedding – even driving some of us to tears (happy ones, of course). This leads me to today’s topic: The lost art of human relationships.
Today’s world is so busy; to do lists, family demands, work pressures, home chores, errands to run, not to mention you’d like to get to the gym, have time to explore some kind of new knowledge, carve time out for girlfriends, and oh yeah, some alone time would be great! It becomes overwhelming, and we tend to look for shortcuts. How many of us stay in touch with friends over facebook? Do you actively look for their status updates? Do you post to someone’s wall on random days (not a birthday)? Do you send a personal email – or better yet – have you picked up the phone and spoken to them? Maybe, you have gone out and caught up in person?! Shocking, I know! If most people are careful what they post on social networks, how much do you really know about your friends?
What happened to having a conversation and being engaged and interested? My father and husband will whip out the iPhone at any chance, and it drives me nuts. I used to think it was a male thing, but I see plenty of women constantly checking as well. In fact, I saw 3 women playing catch (with plastic lacrosse-like scoops and a whiffle ball) and one woman would check her phone after she threw the ball. When you are out with friends, do you check your phone for texts, emails, tweets? Has this happened to you and you wonder, “Am I really that boring? Or is my friend insecure? Or is something else going on?”
We all know I’m far from perfect (remember, I’m a work in progress) – I can get distracted especially in coffee houses. Earlier this week I met a great woman who is seeking a better job; we were introduced over email from a mutual friend who thought we would get along well. He was right, we do – she’s smart, cool, good head on her shoulders, easy to talk to – it was as if we had known each other for awhile. I’m not sure why, but I was intrigued by two women at the next table who appeared to be having an interview. By the end of their conversation, I was wondering if one of the women was the surrogate for the other! I was lucky that the woman I met with is understanding, patient and was also a bit intrigued at the other scenario. Why couldn’t I block out the neighboring table? Human curiosity is my best guess. I can be nosy at times, and it’s fun to overhear snippets of conversations and guess the unspoken context.
I think it’s safe to say that we all have been fortunate enough to know what it feels like when both people are fully participating, engaged, and in the moment during a conversation. Today’s pressures tend to have us multi-tasking and unfocused on anything we are touching because our attention is divided before we even sit down to do something. Part of the reason I haven’t posted an entry since last week is we’ve had house guests since mid-May. I know writing a blog takes time and concentration, so I thought the two people who have so kindly chosen to follow me wouldn’t mind if I was a few days late in my posts.
The other part of the reason for my delay is procrastination. I know, I started out so motivated, and then plop. I can make excuses, provide rationale, but I’ll just admit that it was procrastination, and instead of writing this entry earlier in the week, I was able to get a ton of other things done. A bit selfish of me…of course, I have no idea who is actually reading this because I haven’t received any comments yet (please, someone post a comment so I know you are out there!).
As for my procrastination project, let’s just say it’s past my usual bedtime – but I wanted to get at least one post up before the end of the week! I started running again, and hope to get at least two more runs in before Monday to get back on track. I’ve been getting outside everyday, and networking with old and new friends. And I’ve been tackling my to do list – whether it’s introducing new friends, getting the word out about this blog, figuring out what I want my future/career to look like, and spending quality time with my son. All in all, I’m in a better place than I was earlier this year. Life is good. If I could figure out how to monetize living life, I could be on to something!
I’ll end with my 5 things I’m grateful for:
1. Thunderstorms – they have been pretty loud this week and it reminds me of the first time I told my husband I loved him (back when we were dating). It slipped out by accident (I was waiting for him to say it first), and then sleep set in. He called me out on it a few hours later – and also shared that he loved me too. Awww.
2. Catching up with old friends – I was lucky to reconnect with an old college friend this morning before he spoke at a conference. We are Linkedin and facebook friends, but this morning we were able to talk for more than an hour, no distractions, and just enjoyed hearing each other’s stories – what we’ve been up to since the mid-90s.
3. My son’s singing ability – he loves to burst into song randomly, and he’s at a point where we can actually understand the words he’s singing. He does a great version of “The More We Get Together”, “Take me Out to the Ball Game”, “Shabbat Shalom” and some of his Fisher-Price toys.
4. The microwave timer – helping to set expectations of a two year old is a lot easier when a timer is involved (e.g. I’m setting the timer for 5 minutes, when the timer goes off, it’s dinner time.). I wonder how old he’ll be when he realizes what I’m doing.
5. An empty house – my husband was out of the house tonight for a few hours, and I was able to get a lot done online while he was gone. I love him, and missed him, but if he was here I would have plopped down on the couch and wasted the night away watching TV.
Perhaps my next post will be on the effects of procrastination, and how that is the best motivation to avoid procrastinating at all costs! What keeps you from doing the things on your to do list in the right order? When did you last have a conversation where you really connected with someone (a new friend, an old one, your signficant other)? What is your favorite relationship and why is it so special? I look forward to hearing your thoughts, so we can start our own conversation (online!).
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