Oh where oh where did my will power go?

My will power was tested this weekend and I failed. I want to blame it on external situations, such as my husband or kids, but at the end of the day, I realize it is all me. When it comes to food, especially chocolate, I'm weak. My sound decision making skills vanish and my strength is gone in an instant.

This weekend, my husband made a great brunch for a friend who was visiting from the Bay Area. My husband had good intentions and made healthy items, however, when I added up all the calories I ate, it turns out I had 934 calories! Here's what I ate:
A glass of Orange Juice (this is a rare treat, 110 calories)
Poached eggs with garbanzo beans, tomatoes and spinach (very delicious and healthy only 259 calories. Click for recipe courtesy of Jenn Louis, Lincoln Restaurant and Sunshine Tavern, Portland, Oregon, Cooking Light DECEMBER 2012)
Half an English Muffin with Neufchatel cream cheese and Fig Butter from Trader Joe's (125 calories)
Chicken Sausage from Trader Joe's (about 110 calories)
Orange with Yogurt and lemon sauce (149 calories) from Jillian Michaels - probably only had half an orange, maybe saved some calories
Chocolate Truffle Brownie Cookie (about 180 calories) from Trader Joe's

Now that I write it out, it seems like a lot, but in reality, nothing was over sized, or appeared that extravagant at the time. I was full, not stuffed, and I felt the need to eat everything. Why? No will power. I could come up with a million external reasons such as, I didn't want to hurt my husband's feelings, it looked delicious, it tasted great, but if I'm being honest, simply put, I have no will power. I was shocked to figure out the total calorie count later. Was it worth it? Would I have been just as happy with just the egg dish? Yes. I honestly believe I would, and next time I'll do my best to understand what the best choices are to stay within my calorie guideline.

Compare that meal with my lunch today: a frittata (197 calories), courtesy of Jillian Michaels, and an apple (116 calories). That's below my max of 400 calories and I'm still full 1.5 hours later. Am I eyeing those chocolate truffle brownie cookies? You bet I am! But, I haven't reached for one yet. I am craving one and doing everything I can to show my body, mind over matter wins. That I do have will power down deep in my soul. Writing this blog is also helping as it would be just pitiful and ironic if I couldn't make it through this post without "cheating".

I'm not even going to go into the details of my dinner last night at a deep dish pizza place for a kid's birthday party (which is a fairly frequent scenario given my pre-elementary kids' ages). I don't even know how to begin counting those calories!

Here's the funny thing, I don't really have any other vices. I haven't ever smoked, I don't do drugs, I'll drink an occasional glass of wine, head to the spa or go shopping, but the lack of frequency doesn't translate to a vice in my mind. Chocolate, however, is something I have come to rely on as a necessity, right up there with breathing. I have chocolate every day, sometimes multiple times a day, and I've even refused to share my chocolate on more than one occasion. So when I'm offered chocolate, at a kids party, for example, it's never been an option for me to say no.

I'm turning 40 next year and have a few major goals I'd like to achieve before that big milestone. One is the ability to find my will power, especially when it comes to food and chocolate. I know I feel better when I make better choices, and I know I'm working really hard with these Jillian Michaels videos, so why waste that effort?

It all sounds easy to follow, doesn't it? Is now my time to finally take control? What have you struggled with and how did you overcome your weakness?