Conversations that don’t involve “ROAR!”

I’ve found one of the most challenging things as a mom of a toddler is to carry a normal adult conversation while my little monster is in the room. Ever since I dropped him off at daycare at the young age of 3 months, he has always wanted to share what is on his mind. I vividly remember picking him up that first day of daycare more than 2 years ago, and he chatted my ear off the entire 20 minute car ride home. Of course I had no idea what he was saying, but I knew he had strong opinions that he needed to share. Today, he is quite verbal; my husband and I are amazed at his vocabulary, his ability to form sentences (and I do mean full sentences), and even now he’s getting more familiar with the correct pronouns. While his conversations may be repetitive, he is nonetheless determined to have me hear what he has to say, and that means now!

We had brunch with some good friends this past weekend. They are relatively newlyweds and without kids. For some reason, I feel the need to apologize for my son’s behavior. I joked about them not wanting kids after a brunch with us, and they said that little C is well behaved, and he doesn’t sway them like some other kids have in the past. I’m digressing a bit, so let me get back on track – perhaps I was really apologizing for my behavior. You see, if I don’t address and confirm whatever little C is saying, he will repeat it over and over until he knows he is understood. So I feel that I need to give him the most attention, which means I struggle to have a conversation with anyone else, unless the little monster is napping or playing on his own (which does happen every so often). I also know that the key to avoiding tantrums is a child who is well fed, well rested, and receives attention and love from his parents. We have experienced many tantrums, and the label “Terrible Twos” is certainly understood by my husband and I. I remember when my parents witnessed little C’s first tantrum (I had experienced several at this point), and I saw something change – perhaps they remembered my tantrums…but he was no longer the perfect little angel in their eyes. Oh trust me, he is spoiled rotten by them, and they are fantastic with him, and a huge help since they live in town (which means date nights without spending $60-$80 just to walk out the door), but he was now a perfect little two year old.

We are lucky, he doesn’t have tantrums every day, or as often that I feared, but I am very diligent about his naps and snacks/meals. I will not wake him from a nap; if that means we miss a birthday party, oh well, we miss the party. The tantrums are just not worth it to me. I love the sweet little C – the one that says “I love you too” and comes and gives me a big hug and kiss.

Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that he’s only 2, especially considering his verbal level and thought process. I am trying not to be too hard on him, but I open admit that I will persuade him to do something by associating it with being a “big boy”. That phrase, and anything to do with setting the timer are my two go-tos. The timer is something a 2 year old can’t question – and a parent can always win, for example, your child wants to play, and you want him to eat dinner, “Do you want to eat dinner now or should I set the timer for two minutes?” Your child feels he has the choice, and you win either way. When the timer goes off, I make a big deal “Do you hear that? What’s that?” sure enough, he’ll respond “The timer.” When I ask what it means, he knows and answers, and obliges in whatever we set the timer to represent.

To circle back about the reasons I can’t have an adult conversation when he’s around:
1. The attention he seeks, and deserves
2. My obligation as a parent to watch out for him, and make sure he doesn’t wander off (if we’re not in our home)
3. My inability to have something interesting, aside from my son, to talk about

This last point is my biggest fear. You don’t need to have kids to understand this – you can be a workaholic, or identify only with work that you don’t know how to talk about anything else. Parents can get a bad rap because they are proud of their kids, and want to share a funny story with their friends and family. My parents were talking about little C so much, we had to ask them to talk about something else – and he’s our son! The problem with anything extreme, is that it’s extreme. So if your facebook status is always about your kids, maybe you need to diversify your day with some activities for yourself.

I am discovering during this current job search, while I am exploring whether or not to start my own business, or wait for an amazing full-time job, or some combination of freelance and part-time work, I am deep into a few self improvement projects. This week I am scheduling my time throughout the day in half hour increments, and by mid-morning, I was already behind. My husband said “It’s okay” and that made me stop, think, and realize that it was okay. I wasn’t in any kind of life or death situation, I wasn’t late for any appointments where my tardiness would impact other people, I would be fine and the day would go on. It seems so simple, and for me, it was such an “Ah Ha!” moment. This is one of those times that I adore and appreciate my husband, which brings me to my 5 gratitude items:

1. My husband. He had a few good one liners today that were positive, supportive, and really made me stop and think. I just shared one with you, and the other happened when we dropped off a charity donation. I forgot that we put the stuff in the backseat, and asked him to open the trunk. As soon as I opened the trunk, I remembered where the stuff was, and opened the backseat, and remarked that I was stupid. He said “You’re not stupid. You just made a mistake.” Of course I don’t think I’m stupid, but there is no reason for me to say negative things like that about myself, and he was just sharing a reminder with me in a sweet way.

2. My front hall closet. I lived in NYC for a few years, and ever since then, closets are one of the make or break items when I’m looking at a place to live. Our current place has 8 closets, and we are decluttering this summer because we really don’t use a lot of stuff that we have. Today, in an hour, my husband and I cleaned out our front closet, found some missing items (hello rollerblade wrist guard), and added a few things to the craigslist and amazon pile (anyone need a wedding dress slip that poufs slightly or a picnic set?).

3. My schedule. Although I didn’t quite keep to the allotted half hour increments, I got more done today than I have in any one day since I’ve been a mom. I revised my resume, wrote a cover letter, emailed with friends, wrote this entry, cleaned a bath and the shower which were both in bad shape, did a bunch of laundry, played with my son, read part of a book, cleaned the hall closet, dropped off donations, and spent time with my husband. So I didn’t exercise today, or enjoy the outdoors – and it was gorgeous today – but I feel really great about what I accomplished.

4. Freezer finds. This is one of my husband’s favorite pastimes. When we cook something, he is open to eating it for leftovers one other night that week, anything after the second meal goes into the freezer. Luckily, a few years ago, I discovered erasable labels that are freezer proof, dishwasher proof, and really truly amazing. You stick the label on the container, write the description with a sharpie, and then erase and write the new description when you need it the next time. I combed through our freezer this weekend and found some beef stew from earlier this year. Dinner was a cinch tonight as I steamed some carrots, sautéed some asparagus, and reheated beef stew and quinoa. We all ate it and loved it. So easy!

5. Good dark chocolate. Green & Black’s Organic makes a 67% Cocoa dark chocolate espresso bar. It is delicious, a perfect combination of coffee and chocolate, and you want to eat the whole bar, but if you do, you’ll probably get sick because it’s so rich. I miss this chocolate bar, because I’m now eating the Hazelnut and Currant flavor bar, and it’s just not as good. I usually eat Trader Joe’s pound plus bar, 72% cocoa – not the whole bar, only a square or two! I was fortunate to get a few Green & Black’s bars from the Candy show that was in Chicago a week ago.

For those of you who know me, and for those of you who are interested in my blog for some reason or another, I just wanted to reassure you that I am aware that I digress, that my entries are long, and that my stories may not always have a point (if I even finish a story!) – but let’s remember, I am a work in progress!

Before I end this entry, I thought it would be nice to share the story behind the title of this entry. During the brunch I mentioned earlier, we tried to get our little monster involved in the conversation, and we were discussing a recent trip to the zoo, and little C roared like a lion. Well, that’s how this entry came to be – for some reason it was much funnier in the moment. So tell me, how do you have an adult conversation when a young child is around? Do you find that you apologize for your child’s behavior, even though s/he is acting appropriately for their age? Have you had any “ah ha!” moments – who helped you see the light?!

Special thanks to mbamommy and Melissa for being the first to comment on my last entry. It’s very reassuring to know that someone, sometwo!, people are reading my blog. And yes, they are wonderful friends of mine!